FRENCH WORD-A-DAY

Kristi Darling,

All I can say is you must let me come and set up your Christmas decorations one day. Save your money, I'll start looking for some white doves to fly off your tree.

XOXO

MOM

You write great, but only because you asked:

"I knew better than to open my mouth lest the dregs of language, French or English, sling forth."

Shouldn't sling forth be used in the past tense here? Not that I know what the past of sling should be...slang? slung?...

I love this story. I think I'll read it to the ladies of my Sunday School class as we near the holidays. Our class tree goes up the day after Thanksgiving and comes down the first day of the New Year, so artificiality is a must. But our ornaments are wonderful, provided by my dear ladies over the years and precious beyond imagination.

Only one comment on format -- there seems to be a space missing between your question regarding the cost of the tree and Jean-Marc's answer.

I agree with you about the use of the word "sling" -- seems fine as it is, although I don't know a writer's rule to justify its use.

Love you my dear,

Jeanne

No comma is needed after "When Max came into the kitchen announcing". (I get caught up in the story and forget to proofread, lol.) I do see a tendency to use too many commas, but that is personal preference.

Not sure what you mean by "...with eye of the peacock feathers!"

Do you mean "...the eye of a peacock feather", or "the eyes of peacock feathers!"?

I actually cut of the tops of Peacock feathers and laid (glued) them around a blue ornament. I assumed that they looked like an eye, so I called them the 'eye of a Peacock feather' as I explained what I was doing to Heidi and Kristi when they were little girls.

XOXO

JULES

Hi Kristin,

Oh boy, when husband's and wife's taste choices are diametrically opposed--the drama! She seethes. He slams. Hilarious.

I think the solution to "lest the dregs of language, French or English, sling forth" is this: "be slung forth." "Slung" is the correct tense, but it needs the "be" before it.

When you and your husband each speak, I'd put a space between each. In my own writing I do exactly what you do, no paragraph indentations, and find that spaces between the acts and speech of various characters serve the same purpose as indentation, and give our eyes much appreciated breathing room.

I think it should be: "nine-foot-tall Colorado spruce."

And here are two felicitous metaphors: "After a moment of silence so thick you could hang tinsel on it, Jean-Marc challenged me: "You can take it back if you don't like it." His remark was delivered with the coolness of a peppermint candy cane."

I love your journal, and look forward to owning the book!

XO,

Kaaren

Great story - only thing I can see would be to omit one of the "be" in the second paragraph to read...."it will at least be real"...
Other than that, it is a cute story, and very well written. I love your writing style.

Unlike spelling, punctuation is somewhat a matter of style and expression. You are a very good writer, and I don't think you should take other people's advice on how they would choose to punctuate.

I LOVED your Xmas tree story!

Dad in Palm Desert, CA

Your voice is so strong -- I agree with others that editing shouldn't interfere, but... here are a couple of small things:

Sling/slung: "be slung forth" is passive. "Sling" is the right tense but probably the wrong word. If I were writing it I'd say "spew forth." It's what words do when they emerge from one's mouth unchecked by thought.

It should be '68 Camaro (the apostrophe takes the place of what you've left out, in this case the "19" in 1968).

It's a lovely, well-written story, but since I was once a copyeditor,I can't resist chiming in, now that you have requested help, Kristin.
1. End of 1st paragraph, I'd punctuate this way: ...whisk home. (Space limits were not an issue; Mom had the tree tied to the top of her '68 Camaro.)
2. ...my husband, The Nonconsumer, (rather than Unconsumer)
3. I stumbled over the "lest" sentence also. "Lest" is a word usually used after an espression denoting fear or anxiety. Dictionary examples: hesitant to speak out lest he be branded a troublemaker; worried lest he should be late; afraid lest he should fall. Thus it veers into a subjunctive sense: I knew better than to open my mouth lest the dregs of language, French or English, should spew forth. Can also say "I hesitated to" or "I feared opening my mouth" ...
4. Your dad is right: punctuation nowadays is often flexible. Clarity is important, however. So is consistency. Therefore, you should decide whether to encase phrases in double quotes (American style) or single quotes (British style). Either is fine as long as you are consistent. Double quotes predominate here, so you can change 'presto tinsel' to follow suit.
5. The "twelve euros" par.: Point is a little unclear. Good or bad? The money buys a bottle of wine that would last one night. It also buys a Xmas tree that would last 30 days. The latter sounds like a better buy, and yet you are still angry. Can it be clearer?

bkdew

Kristin,

I loved your story --- it is perfect as it is. I would not change a thing.

When you write about France, your home, and your family, I can easily visualize everything! You are quite descriptive, and colorful. I enjoy all of your tales. I purchased your book, after finding this website. It was wonderful.

Please keep writing these fabulous stories. You are a great writer, have more confidence, and be well.

So many nice things going on in this vignette! The overall “lesson,” of course, the raison de lire, but also the little things.

“…I questioned, teeth clamped.”
“…Jean-Marc answered, slack-jawed.”

“After a moment of silence so thick you could hang tinsel on it…,” which is delightful in itself, but then is revisited and reversed with “La Joie … its presence so real, so palpable you could hang tinsel on it.”

Anyway, here goes.

You should probably have a comma before the quote in the first sentence: …into the kitchen announcing, "Papa a acheté un sapin,"….

Your parenthetical at the end of the first paragraph doesn’t start with a capital, and it’d be weird to stick two complete sentences parenthetically into a third — I’d suggest, “(space limits were not an issue; Mom had the tree tied to the top of her '68 Camaro). ” You may prefer an em dash to a semicolon.

In the first sentence of the next paragraph, you split an infinitive. There is nothing wrong with that. Many people mistakenly believe it is disallowed in English. Don’t let them talk you out of it. (Sorry. That’s a pet peeve of mine.)

You need a comma after “…just what we need,” because what follows “and” is a complete sentence. I’d suggest, “…just what we need, and failing that, it will…” to keep the number of commas from becoming overwhelming.

I’d delete the comma after “Only,” but that’s a style thing, purely your choice.

“in the center of the salon” should either have commas before and after, or no commas. I’d go with none, but again, it’s your choice.

Consider a comma after “Meanwhile.”

I’m starting to think I’m obsessed with commas.

You need a comma after “…short-circuit” because what follows “and” is a complete sentence.

The spacing between “…ignite” and “How much…” seems to be less than the spacing between the other paragraphs.

As I said above, I love the way “slack-jawed” plays off “teeth clamped.” But I’m not sure why J-M was slack-jawed. Was he amazed that you would ask what the tree cost?

The “and” before “about how much…” is unnecessary.

You need a paragraph double space between “YOU take it back!” and “My husband’s…”

“Presto tinsel” should be in double quotes, not singles.

“Her zeal for holiday decorating didn't stop at the giant tree” and “she had those doves ‘flying’ from the branches to the front door” are both complete sentences, so they should be punctuated as “…the giant tree. She had…” or “…the giant tree; she had…” Or you could say“…the giant tree, she also had…” Or you could just decide that style trumps grammar here.

I don’t think you need the quotes around “flying.”

I’m not sure why you end the sentence with an ellipsis. Maybe because your memories are fading away as you return to the present?

Should be either, “…bedroom door, which had…” or “…bedroom door that had….” The connotations are very slightly different, so pick the one that conveys what you want.

I think, “…the stupid bag from which it had come” would be correct, but this is very probably a style-trumps-grammar situation.

(Did you know garbage disposals are illegal in New York City?)

I’d suggest replacing the em dash after “superflu” with a comma, for two reasons. First, the three clauses (“ousting the surplus and the superflu,” “learning the difference between want and besoin,” “all the while simplifying, simplifying”) seem pretty equal to me; I don’t see why one would be set off differently. Second, “superflu” appears to be a colloquial truncation of a longer word, and with the em dash there, it looks as if you’re interrupting yourself before you finish the word.

The paragraphs that begin “The sum of all that…” and “’But I want…’” need a double space between them.

Ditto the next three graphs — “Just then…,” “Il est…,” and “Oui….”

Comma after the introductory clause “When the tree lights went on.”

Comma after “…so palpable.”

You tend to put a space after an ellipsis but not before:
“reach for the switch.... my hand was”
In most cases, I would suggest doing either spaces before and after or no spaces before or after. But that’s another style thing.

In the line, "Çela suffira," there should not be a "cédille" on the "C"; only ça, the contraction of "cela," requires it.

I am not an editor so shall simply comment on the flow of your stories...this is lovely in the differences of cultures and family life and love!
Jules...might sit in a directors chair and have a coffee with you...cappuccino?

Back to the jaws bit. Did you mean he was insouciant? ood use of an French word also the same in english.

Love the story. See nothing to edit or change.

What a wonderful story! Sorry though, I have no edits. It's lovely as is. I'm new to your blog, just starting to learn French, and want to thank you for opening a window into the language and culture.

I really enjoyed the story, but questioned dregs, not the verb that followed. Dregs are the last remaining things or the "dregs of society" and I think you are going for "lest vulgar utterances, French or..."

Synomyms of dregs include deposits, dirt, draff, lees, residue, settlings, slag, waste
Others like it, so myabe I am wrong.