FRENCH WORD-A-DAY

TRUST is the most important part of a relationship, you have to trust in the other person and not be jealous and mistrustful of their friendships with others

Who knows how a marriage endures? One way, certainly, is to remember to be thankful, either to God or one's partner, that (miraculously) you found each other. That sense of fate, destiny or divine intervention should translate into gratitude: in turn being thankful brings forth a sense of understanding, respect and delight toward one's spouse. I've found it's worked for nearly 30 years. Giving thanks for a spouse and a happy marriage, a bountiful grape harvest or a litter of new puppies only brings more reasons to offer further thanks.

Is Jacques wearing a Boston Red Sox insignia on his hat? Awesome!

My husband and I have been married for almost 18 years. It's not always an easy road, but one I would not trade for anything else.

Joyeaux anniversaire to you and Jean-Marc!

Bon chance to Jacques and Miriem.

My husband (of 11 years) likes to say that all relationships (but especially marriage) are about *knowing and being known.* You must be a student of your spouse, seeking to increase your knowledge of them--what pleases them, excites them, saddens or aggravates them, what makes them who they are. And you must allow yourself to be known: be willing to share your thoughts, dreams, hurts, hopes--reveal yourself. We have embraced this dynamic as we have pondered the fact that the Bible uses the word "to know" to speak of a husband-wife relationship, even as a way of representing sexual love (see Genesis 4:1). Thanks, Kristin, for sharing your excitement for your loved ones and encouragement to them. And many congratulations on your anniversary; I hope you can steal a few minutes together!

My husband and I make time to listen to each other and spend time together, even though we are quite different.We encourage each other often. We are open to growing and learning new things. Also, he is CRAZY and very funny sometimes which is helpful when I take myself or life too seriously. He makes a lot of jokes. We are pretty tolerant of each other's hobbies and need for time to do them. Also Chris grills and cooks a lot and we cooperate on a lot of things including parenting our son who's now 13. Sometimes we just turn on the music and dance ! It's hard to describe, but we are pretty compatible and have been married 23 22 ? -I forget-years !

a good sense of humor! (married 33 yrs, dated 5 before that)

Sometimes Nancy or I annoy the other somewhat deeply but I have grown to stop to think of my own shortcommings and Nancy's awesome character and abilities. Then there comes the realization that it was and is the whole package that I fell in love with.

Some words come to mind -- acceptance strong enough that forgiveness is not needed, replacing efforts to change the other with working on self maturation, real frienship and finding time to enjoy each other, honesty, and giving your mate wings to be and grow .

Gotta go! Love to all from Fred

We just marked our 27th anniversary on August, 28th and it really doesn't seem like we have been married that long. I think a sense of humor is important and also keeping the relationship fun, playful and spontaneous.

I love my husband, but I think maybe he loves me even more.. even after 32 years, he still tells me I'm beautiful and smart and makes me feel like I can do almost anything. I know he can. I think that when you are working together for a common goal, your soulmate becomes your teammate, and a bond of both love and purpose grow strong. Joyeaux Anniversaire, Kristin and Jean-Marc!

Boy what a good-looking family. Both sides - and dogs too!

A few single words to include in your recipe for enduring love:

Spontaneity.

Flattery.

Consistently tend to your love like a garden needs tending. Weeding out the bad before it takes over and feeding it for life and growth.

Many blessings to you all.
Karen

Happy Anniversary, Kristin!! It is so refreshing to see/read about your successful, long-lasting, happy marriage!

You might not realize it, but I (and I'm sure others) look to people like you, who have years under their belt, for healthy examples of what makes a good relationship!

I feel like such a newbie to the married world compared to the posts above, having recently celebrated 2 years with my beloved in July. Perhaps though, my observations in these short years are just as welcome due to the unexpected trials my husband and I have faced so early in our relationship that most don't experience until the autumn of their lives - the death of my dear brother (from a hit-and-run). He was 26.

I have found that communication, supporting and encouraging each other in all aspects of life, patience, humor, and sound resolve to overcome all obstacles together - are the secrets (so far!) to my successful marriage.

God knows we have so many adventures yet to begin, especially children, but knowing that we are both committed to enjoying and appreciating each other's love and friendship, à jamais, makes the future exciting!

Again, Happy 15th Anniversary to you both! Aside from enjoying life together, you and Jean-Marc are setting Max and Jackie up for incredible success in their future love lives every day they see you happy and working on your marriage together!

Laughter!!! My husband and I, 18 years into this, are truly best friends and to this day he can completely crack me up.

Oh, and I see Jacques is still sporting his Boston Redsox hat. Who knew?!?!

The secret to staying together: A good sense of humor, cooking dinner together, wine every night and knowing when to shut up and say "you know honey, you are right".

P.S. Please give me your mailing address to I can send your brother in law a Yankees hat!!

BALANCE
To listen and be heard
To remind and be reminded
To accept and be accepted
To laugh and be laughed with
To cry and be hugged
To give space and to get it
To meet needs and have needs met
To do with and do without
To forgive and be forgiven
To love and be loved...

Everyone had such fabulous comments and I doubt I can add much, but after 42 years of marriage I can add that it's not such hard work if you truly love your partner. There is still a spark in our marriage because we each work at keeping our love current and alive. Afterall, this is the guy who took a job in Paris for two years, pretty much just for me!
Jeanne in Ohio but wishing she were still in Paris!

We were both married before but this time we have lasted 28 years. I would say that through all our ups and downs. Law School and bringing up a step daughter were real tests. So I would say perseverance is a major factor. That and a sense of the ridiculous.

FORGIVENESS ; PATIENCE ; ACCEPTANCE

A faith that comes even before your relationship is crucial, and humbling. If you both put it first, then your relationship falls second. Which in my book is perfect.

Hi Kristin, I have been enjoying your website and learning my French word a day for almost a year now. My husband and I took French lessons at the local university for three years. Then, we went to France last May and had a wonderful time. (Though he is better at it than I am, perhaps because he studies and does his homework?)
Anyway, happy anniversary to you and Jean Marc and best wishes to Jacques and Miriem.
As for secrets to a long marriage: Gary and I have been married for 31 years next month. I would say first of all, you have to be willing to work at a marriage. Don't give up too easily. Next, choose your battles wisely. Some things are just not worth fighting over. Third, when she says "fine!", he had better be prepared to bring flowers. Fourth, watch out for traps, like if she says "Do I look fat in this dress?" DO NOT say "I don't think it's the dress." LOL. Humour is also important. Over the years, it gets easier. You grow a history together that you share with no one else. Your friendship grows and deepens. But you have to constantly make time for each other - no matter how busy you are. Date night (DN) is still a feature in our lives after all these years.
Blessings.

So many comments on this one!
I think some of the factors for our very happy almost 5-year marriage include noticing and thanking each other for what we do- chores, cooking, considering the others wants, and saying I love you every day... Also, telling him he is the best guy in the world, because he really is, for me!

Chere Kristin,

I love Sugar! What an appropriate name for this sweet little pup! Love, O love. I believe frankly that love is a topic for sciences, as in physics and math and chemistry but since you asked I will share this passage which I try to remember for my own life. I personally do not believe in soulmates, I think one can love dearly and sincerely more than one although it does seem surprising that some couple look more like siblings than distant couples. Here's the passage:

The love which exists between hearts ... is prompted by the ideal of the unity of spirits... Each sees in the other the Beauty of God reflected in the soul, and finding this point of similarity, they are attracted to one another in love. This love will make all men the waves of one sea, this love will make them all the stars of one heaven and the fruits of one tree. This love will bring the realization of true accord, the foundation of real unity. (Paris Talks)

The other poem which I believe to be containing secrets for enduring love (in my life) is the marriage poem of Khalil Gibran.

Marriage
Then Almitra spoke again and said, 'And what of Marriage, master?'
And he answered saying:
You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when white wings of death scatter your days.
Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together, yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.

Khalil Gibran

One can write scrolls and scrolls about love and the power of love. May the spark of love grow stronger and stronger between Jacques and Miriem.

Love to you et famille!

xo

My sweetheart Brian and I are a commuter couple. During the week we are apart and I think this keeps our relationship fresh, new and exciting. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder. Stacy

First, Happy Birthday to Mama Jules! What a pleasure to know of you through this blog! Happy Anniversary to our hosts! May your happiness and contentment flow richly like your fine wines!

On to the important question.

You must marry another who has the same core ethics and values.

Do not marry one who has chemical addictions, because their mind will be permanently rewired, to faulty risk perception, to low esteem, to impaired pleasure feeling and stress tolerance. These people will always be emotionally need and are not to be counted on when times are very difficult, for they will always look to themselves first, you second.

Marry a person who thinks Big Picture, and has long term goals that they work hard at to achieve. Short-term thinkers rarely have the capacity for longterm endeavors that are part and parcel of marriage success. Short-term thinkers are outcome, not process-oriented, and thus will have low tolerance for the everyday strife and difficulties of shared space and resources.

Choose a person who sees their life as half full without you and full cup, with you. Choose a person who lives mindfully, aware of the little pleasures of each day and who will gladly share these pearls with you. Choose a person who cares for and takes care of themselves physically, mentally and spiritually. These people will be healthy and happy in old age because they care enough to work at being their best, every day.

There is very good chance that many of us will never really have the opportunity to retire; if you are in good shape when you are older, you will not need that retirement so much, but you will still need a loving, cooperative and emotionally mature partner to savor life to its fullest.

Shun the person who is averse to spiritual investment, for it is the key to stress tolerance, contentment with what you have, where you are, and who you are with. It is our best offense when one hits life's many major speedbumps.

Every morning, believe that it is a good day to die, if that is what happens. Every night, revere the day that was, for it was a good day to be alive, too.

Moderation, discretion, hard work, trust, modesty, mindful living, shed regrets, giving from the heart, spiritual investment, regular play, recognizing and rejoicing in pearl pleasures in each day, little rewards and less expectations - all these things, make for healthy living, long life and enduring steadfast relationships, the all-important social network, bulwark against the unexpected.

Your spouse should be your best friend, and you, theirs.

Compromise!

Kindness, forgiveness, love and a lot of determination to make thinks work when it is hard.

I just realized that beau-frere has a Red Sox hat on! He really must have good taste. Go Sox!

happy anniversary!
and cute pictures- frenchman and golden retrievor puppies!

But I think you just jinxed the new couple...

My husband, Bob, and I have been married for 26 years. I can tell you our secret without hesitation. We both have faith in the Lord Jesus. His will is more important to each of us than anything else. So whenever we have been challenged in our relationship, we fix our eyes on "the Rock" who is higher than we are. He has, and continues to be, our salvation - in so many ways.

Kristin,
Joyeaux anniversaire to you and Jean-Marc!
Bon chance to Jacques and Miriem - I hope we get to see her photo soon.
And Happy Birthday Jules.

I'm married for 18 years. The secret? Patience and trust, and the realization that no man is perfect! LOL!

It was 60 years this past January. Many have said it, love, patience, CARE, responsibility by both partners, children, realizing money is not worth trouble, independence-each is an individual, CARE for your partner through all.
Thanks Kristin for years of YOU!

After 34 years of marriage we still occasionally go to sleep mad at each other but EVERY MORNING is always a clean slate, a new day and a beginning in love.

My husband and I are young professionals and have been married 2 years. We have known each other for 5 years and have a lot in common. With new experiences of getting new jobs and moving to Minnesota (I'm a Portland, OR girl) has at times been challenging, but keeping a humorous spirit and stepping back and resorting to common courtesy has really made our relationship stronger. Courtesy oils the wheels and love makes everything better! We also have a strict once a week date night and last night we went out to watch Julie&Julia. I'm excited about French cooking and just make Quiche aux epinards! French food and love and getting out a bottle or wine, even if we really shouldn't afford it, makes the week and love so much better!

Kristi, May you and JM be blessed with many more happy years together. Looks like you've got the "recipe" right. Don't mess with the ingredients!

May Jacques and Mariem enjoy a wonderful life together and benefit from the love and experiences of those around them. We should all be as lucky!

My one piece of advise would be: "don't sweat the small stuff" (now translate THAT into French!) Always put "that complaint" into perspective and realize that there are more important things in life than wasting precious moments on minor issues. Yes, I know it takes practice and it sometimes isn't easy but like a fine (Rouge-Bleu) wine, a little maturity goes a long way.

We are heading for 15 years, too. Love what Nan said, but will add our two rules:
1) Never go to bed mad.
2) Be willing to call off a fight and 'Start Over' without being right or triumphant.
We are so blessed with a close relationship. Many years of happiness to you both!

Happy Birthday, Jules. Enjoyed reading all the thoughts on love and successful marriage. Both must be willing to work hard, to take the steps to grow and understand themselves first and then put one's all into making it work. One person cannot do it alone I hope that Jacques and Mariem will find happiness together.

I am a little confused, though, as I thought your anniversary was back in July? There was a photo of you and J-M having dinner at a very special place, peut etre a birthday celebration. Anyway, happy 15 years to you and your beloved. And many, many more!

Love the puppies! Thanks for the pictures--so cute seeing Jacques holding and coo-cooing the fluffy sweet thing.

Benjamin Franklin said it best "Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half-shut afterwards"! It works.

Je partage une histoire de mon enfance. Sir Francis avait vécu avec Edith plus de 40 ans,,,je les visitais un dimanche. C''était normal que lón ne parle pas au petit déjeuner... on lisait les journaux et prenait du thé ou du café. Mais Francis et Edith venait de se marier, et Francis faisait de bruits et évidemment se sentait irriter. "Qu'est ce que tu as?" lui a demandé edith. "C,est drôle chérie, apres 40 ans ensemble, mais je me sens pris au piège (I feel trapped).
He explained to me "You see, I feel grumpy achy and irritable. Now that Edith has vowed to stay with me till death do us part, I could take it out on her and she would have to stay,, before we respected each other's feelings more because the other could always leave. The secret to living together is to do so day by day in the present, and not let past events condemn the future! I feel trapped because I can now be more tempted to take the negative out on her'.

The most sincere relationship from my life experience began with childhood, when we knew that our parents were always there ...my ame soeur was my childhood friend why? she always made me realise that a conversation between us was not necessary as the unspoken was already understood... as an adult, I hoped to find the same ame soeur who shared mes reves ......most of all trust, profound friendship will eventually lead us to peut etre l'ame soeur.

29 years married in March 2010 and 30 together all up. We are 48 and 52 so not too old hey. Never let the word divorce be uttered in your home. Choose to love each other every day even when the feelings don't always line up choose to love. Be kind, and as gentle as you can with each others hearts always. Remember that love covers all. Cover each other always, protect each other from anything that may wound and change. Enjoy each others compnay and enjoy your own company. Remember we are complete in ourselves we shouldn't be hoping for that other one to make us happy if we are happy with and in ourselves together we will be happy.

Joyeux anniversaire de mariage a toi et Jean-Marc, et joyeux anniversaire a Jules !!!

Joyeaux anniversaire Kristin and Jean-Marc!
Walter and I have been married 28+ years and have never spent a night apart; it was a vow we made to each other just before we married. It has been a challenge at times but we always made it our priority.
Wishing you many wonderful love filled years ensemble!
Dev

For a man to be successful, the first thing is to learn the "five magic words".......

"Yes dear, you were right".

After saying those words, all is forgiven and you don't need to escalate any disagreements.
In order to succeed through the years, you must be friends and take an interest in each other..

About to celebrate our 27th Annv., so many of the previous posts can be said again, however I believe it's crucial to always think 'full-circle' with respect to what you may say to your sweetheart. With communication some times getting lost with the best of us, always think of the ramnifications of what you are about to say. Are you criticizing in your own little way, offerring a better suggestion to whatever task is about?? Feelings can get hurt due to mis-communicating, and respect for the others feelings is always paramount. God Bless

I think any relationship that can stand the test of time will always have one think: A ritual that only you and your partner do together or share...apart of yourselves that only you two know about. For my boyfriend and I, it’s always showering together. It started out as something we did during that “honeymoon” stage of our relationship, but after a while it grew into quality time one on one time for us. It was the one part of the day that we were forced to be in tune with each other, and it actually helped us communicate better with each other. I really would have never thought that some of my best conversation would be in the shower! So other than long showers and higher water bills, it has improved of our life and relationship. Now we almost feel hurt if the other takes a shower without us…like “hey, why didn’t you wait for me?” I think it reminds us to think and act like a team, like an “us”…considering your loved one before you do something will stop many problems before they begin. It keeps you grounded; it keeps you from being selfish.

Joyeaux anniversaire!

As a quick side note I had a friend recommend this blog, which is why this is my first comment…I promise I am not spam☺!! She told me about you after I mentioned that my love for Paris has prompted me to start a blog of my own. I included the link if you ever wanted to check it out!

Secret of one 60 year love and 55 year marriage - tolerance. One need not criticize every little misstep or gaffe. Never revisit and argue over joint big decisions - where to live, where to work, etc and don't nag or whine over them. On the other hand, frequent praise of little triumphs smooths the way. Otherwise, love is not explainable, it just is, and thank your God for it if you have it! Warren Plauche

It’s been demonstrated above that one word alone cannot describe or define “relationship endurance” but allow me to offer up a recipe that combines some of what my husband and I consider the best ingredients:

One small packet of Passion and Lust
1 Tablespoon Common Interests
1 Tablespoon Common Ethics
1 Tablespoon Common Values
4 cups of Friendship
2 cups of Respect
6 Fluid Ounces of Consideration
A dollop of Honesty
A sprinkling of Laughter

Start with a small packet of Passion and Lust, the starry-eyed kind. Sprinkle it over a bowl filled with a tablespoon each of common interests, ethics and values and watch the foundations of Love grow. Set aside.

Vigorously mix the next three ingredients (Friendship, Respect and Consideration) with lots of Communication, both the listening and talking kinds. Add a dollop of Honesty being sure not to over do it or the mixture could turn acerbic and tough. Add the Love foundation and mix until thoroughly incorporated. Cover with a blanket of Fairness and set aside to rise. Once double in size punch the mixture, releasing the air to allow it to rise. Note it may fall on its own as well, not to worry it will rise time and again given the combination and strength of the ingredients. Be encouraging, supportive and tolerant throughout the process to develop the best results.

Place in an oval baking dish (avoiding sharp edges). Sprinkle liberally with Laughter, daily. Place in a warm oven and bake to near perfection. It will turn a lovely golden color. Remove it when it satisfies the two of you.

Mark each step in the process with Please and Thank You and you’re nearly guaranteed “relationship endurance”, this has been one key to the success of our 20 year journey together.

Absolutely luv yr blog and these were such wonderful comments, much to take in and learn from!
My 11 year rship has been through tough times this year but we have come through, we sought counselling with an Imago therapist (look it up, easier than explaining!) and truly our rship is better than when we first met.
We have more love through openness to each other, honesty, warmth, safety, support, humour & a willingness to learn & make mistakes.
Luckily having heaps in common is a great glue that bonds us together, our values being similar or the same means we're pretty much on the first page.
But like many people commenting above, we feel like soul mates, as if we are hand in glove, but soul mate or not, it does take dedication to work on us and the rship!
Bonne chance to all!

Humor, humor, humor.
You can't fight while you're laughing.

The puppies are so 'mignones'! Such boundless energy I am sure is exhausting for Blaise and yourself Kirstin and you will miss them when they are gone! I have never been mobbed by puppies but I have been mobbed by a flock of voracious ducks who clambered all over my legs and lap to get at a morsel of sandwich which I was eating at a picnic! I laughed so much with both surprise and delight that I gladly relinquished the bread to gabbling beaks and they went on their way to steam-roller another 'insouciant' picnicker. LOL!