What is the French verb for "tease" + bullying and being bullied
Wednesday, April 07, 2010
The ponies of Provence stand before Mont Ventoux and a lone French mas.
French Word of the Day: chahuter (sha-hew-tay) verb
1. to make a racket, to create an uproar
2. to heckle, to tease
"Chahuter" comes from the word "chat-huant" and once meant "to cry like a screech owl." "Un chahuteur" ("une chahuteuse") is a rowdy or disorderly student and "un professeur chahuté" is a teacher who cannot control his class.
One of the best parts of parenthood is watching your children try on hats. My favorites are the hats of courage, generosity, and empathy. And then there are those that leave my heart heavy. Such hats are bulleted, having been pierced by the horns of hell. My daughter wore one of those yesterday.
(In the School Parking Lot... )
"Did somebody hit you?" I ask, noticing her hand holding her ribs.
"Yes!"
"Who hit you?!"
"No one," she now insists, changing her mind. "Just take me home!"
"Tell me who hit you!"
"It doesn't matter! I want to go home!"
My daughter's defensiveness was suspect, so I followed my hunch.
"Did you say something that might have upset someone?"
"No!"
"Jackie, tell me..."
"Mom! ALL I said was 'Geraldine, c'est ma cousine'!"
My daughter doesn't have a cousin named Geraldine, so I guessed the saying was some sort of code... one that didn't sit well with the Hitter.
"Was it "Geraldine" who punched you?" I asked, fishing for clues.
"Maman!" Jackie said, impatiently. "Just take me home!"
"I will, after you tell me what happened."
When next my ten-year-old whipped up a barrage of false hysterics only to hide herself and her secret behind it, I pulled my car keys out of the ignition. I am familiar with the "Tasmanian Devil" tactic wherein the guilty party creates all-consuming chaos as a way of slipping out of the spotlight of sin. And while she would have me lose my footing, deep-down, my daughter wants my legs anchored to the ground so that she herself won't veer off course.
I stared out the window, wishing for peace to return to the car. Meanwhile, Jackie kicked the side-board, hissing something about her heartless mom. I even quieted my breath, lest the seconds of peace that were slowly returning be disrupted.
I was a mean kid once. I made Spittle Shake for "Donna," who wore thick spectacles and had knots in her hair. Some thirty years later, more than sorry, je suis navrée.* What had led up to that evil, edible "experiment"? Or am I mean at heart and, more importantly, did I pass this trait on to my daughter?
I wondered about name-calling when Jackie told me that the culprit wore glasses. Was my daughter the perpetrator, after all? Had she, in saying the purported insult "Geraldine, c'est ma cousine," taunted a classmate with what might be the French equivalent of "Four-Eyes"?
"No, Mommy!" Jackie protested she hadn't said it... at least not to her face....
A back door of the car opened with a cheery "Hello!" Max was out of school and would, minutes later, piece together his sister's story....
"Oh, her," he said, of the Hitter. "I'm not surprised she hit Jackie. That girl is mean to everyone!" he confirmed.
"Maybe she is mean because she is sick of being teased?" I said, in an attempt to restore order and justice. Still, my daughter was hurting physically, and, beneath the facade, morally. But what was, after all, the moral to this story? What was I to say to my daughter, who had tried on the "bully hat" only to be bullied back? Should I say "two wrongs don't make a right?" or... "Turn the other cheek. A kind word turns away wrath? Love your enemies? Do unto others"...? Perhaps a Spittle Shake maker shouldn't preach. Instead, I said what my heart felt:
"Are you sorry?"
My daughter looked down to the floorboard of the car and only then did her bully hat fall off. Hats off to her, I say, for her newfound humility... and to Donna, for forgiving me.
French Vocabulary
chahuter = to tease, heckle
Geraldine c'est ma cousine = Geraldine is my cousin
maman = mom
je suis navrée = I am (profoundly) sorry
Audio File Listen to my daughter pronounce these French words: Chahuter. Chahuteur Chahuteuse. Download chahuter.mp3. Download chahuter.wav
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Shopping~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Goldilocks in French (with accompanying CD) presents an engaging reading of Goldilocks and the Three Bears in both English and French that will entertain kids while they hear correct French pronunciation. You can read along with the narration or learn along with your kids!
A Message from Kristi: Ongoing support from readers like you keeps me writing and publishing this free language journal each week. If you find joy or value in these stories and would like to keep this site going, donating today will help so much. Thank you for being a part of this community and helping me to maintain this site and its newsletter.
Ways to contribute:
1.Zelle®, The best way to donate and there are no transaction fees. Zelle to [email protected]
2.Paypal or credit card
Or purchase my book for a friend and so help them discover this free weekly journal.
For more online reading: The Lost Gardens: A Story of Two Vineyards and a Sobriety
I love these glimpses into your life, but more than that I like to discover new words I've never heard of, or better still, understand ones I've heard but am not sure of their meaning!
Merci!
Jan
Posted by: Jan Rogers | Wednesday, April 07, 2010 at 01:29 PM
It's a nice story, but I hope your daughter doesn't mind your putting personal stories about her on the internet. Couldn't that set her up for teasing from friends, or worse? It seems like a bit of an invasion of a ten-year-old's privacy.
I'm glad my mother wasn't a writer. She wouldn't have been as nice to us as you are to your kids in print!
Posted by: Cyndy | Wednesday, April 07, 2010 at 01:48 PM
Kristin, you are a wise mother not to let the issue go unresolved but to try to get the whole story and not let Jackie "stew" on it.
Posted by: Bill in St. Paul | Wednesday, April 07, 2010 at 02:27 PM
What a great piece of parenting you performed! Kudos!! Jeanne
Posted by: Jeanne | Wednesday, April 07, 2010 at 03:02 PM
Kristin, every time I read your stories there is a small part I can say relates to my life. I think that is the key to your success . You have a down to earth approach ,which I find so refreshing. You so charmingly allow us to peek into your everyday life of dogs,children ,
work etc. Thank You ............Mary
Posted by: [email protected] | Wednesday, April 07, 2010 at 03:24 PM
What a tale, Kristin. As a maman myself, all I can say is been there, done that, got the t-shirt.
Posted by: Julie | Wednesday, April 07, 2010 at 04:13 PM
And this too shall pass.
Posted by: joie carmel,ca | Wednesday, April 07, 2010 at 04:46 PM
You can tell Jacquie that if each of us didn't have that little streak in us that comes out ever so rare that this would be a very boring world.
Posted by: joie carmel,ca | Wednesday, April 07, 2010 at 04:49 PM
Who hasn't at one time or another, under the age of 18, been a bully or been bullied? It is a rite of passage, as long as it does not go unchecked. Children are cruel...not because that is their nature… but because of the insecurity (and immaturity) that consumes them. I remember being on both sides of the fence and neither felt very good.
Hoping you are having a wonderful time on holiday!
Posted by: Kristine, Dallas | Wednesday, April 07, 2010 at 04:57 PM
"Oh what a tangled web we weave,
When first we practice to deceive!"
Well done Kristin.
Posted by: Claudia | Wednesday, April 07, 2010 at 05:01 PM
I think the "adventure" of raising kids is enhanced by the sisterhood of moms sharing their trials, successes and failures. I really appreciate your humble tone, Kristin. Onward thru the fog with your eyes on the light ahead!
I have a request. We have the amazing gift of traveling to France in May. I have written to you, Kristin, and we are going to visit your winery and meet you. I am so excited! We will then have 3 nights and 2 days in Avignon before we head to Nice. Can anyone share their favorite places to go in Provence? I want to travel around to the wonderful villages but I'm not sure which to pick. I have always found such good info here. Your ideas? Merci milles fois!
Posted by: Sheryl (or "Sherie" in May :) | Wednesday, April 07, 2010 at 05:02 PM
Empathy, all the way around! Great mothering as well Kristin.
Posted by: Barbara | Wednesday, April 07, 2010 at 05:50 PM
I agree with the above- good mothering strategy. I too admit that I tried the "tasmanian devil" act as a pre-teen. Unfortunately, my mother didn't understand that what I really needed was a solid and empathetic force behind me to see through all the hysteria. Parenting is sometimes a guessing game, isn't it?- even in a foreign language.
Posted by: Leslie Ann in view of the Olympics | Wednesday, April 07, 2010 at 06:09 PM
The most profound element is Donna's ability to forgive -- which I hope Geraldine will learn in time. It's the only true path to peace in a troubled world.
Thank you for sharing (though I share Cyndy's concern).
Posted by: Genevieve Kineke | Wednesday, April 07, 2010 at 06:21 PM
Chere Kristin,
Thank you for this enlightening story. It's an age old problem and it's very timely. In the US, I don't know if you've heard or not, but right now there is a situation where a 14 year old girl committed suicide last week due to the unrelentling bullying by 9 kids - 7 girls and 2 boys. Although your story isn't remotely the same, it brings up a bigger issue. When did it get so bad? I treated two of Matthew's friends from kindergarten for lunch, who are now both 21 because they were home for Easter break. I love being around these girls and because I have no girls of my own, they are "my girls". One of the girls told me about how, in 6th grade, she was sat down by their teacher with four of their friends and given a lecture by how mean they were to the other girls in the class. To this day, she feels bad about how she was to these other girls in her class. And she said she was really mean. They both really remember this "sitting down". It really made an impression on them. Imagine if the teachers hadn't taken the time to address this issue?
What you have done with your daughter is amazing...and thank you for sharing. I truly believe in my heart if every parent took the time to first pay attention, and then wait and wiggle the story out of their children, we wouldn't have the huge problem that we have today with bullying. I think it's been going on forever. It's just the tools that are different. With the Internet, somebody can spread a viscous and untrue rumor in only seconds and change a person's life forever - and even end it. You are a wonderful Mother and follow your instincts and your heart. What a lesson and gift you have given to all of us.
Posted by: Robin | Wednesday, April 07, 2010 at 06:40 PM
Sherie,
If your travels in Provence take you in the right direction, I recommend Gigondas (small and charming) and Roussilon (beautiful with lovely shops). Also, the Medieval section of Vaison-la-Romaine is a wonderful place to wander through the narrow, twisting lanes and enjoy the architecture, people and cats.
Posted by: Suzanne, Monroe Township, NJ | Wednesday, April 07, 2010 at 06:47 PM
I SO agree with Kristine from Dallas.
Kristin, I'm impressed that you had the wherewithal to STOP, remain calm, and to recognize what your daughter really needed in that moment. Sometimes parents are too quick to push, pry, and force issues. Bravo to you for handling the situation like you did.
Hope the pups are doing well.
81 degrees and sunny here in Atlanta today, but with LOTS of pollen...yuck!
Posted by: Erin in Atlanta | Wednesday, April 07, 2010 at 07:12 PM
Great and instructive story, Kristin. As a maman myself, all I can say is been there, done that, got the t-shirt.
Posted by: Julie | Wednesday, April 07, 2010 at 10:50 PM
There's more to the sky than meets the eye.
Posted by: Douglas | Thursday, April 08, 2010 at 06:03 AM
Just returned from a week in Provence. We fell in love with the countryside and the people. A fellow traveler introduced me to your site, and what a delightful find. Your insightful stories are what everyday life is about. And you are a very wise Mama.
We met an old friend-90 years old-in Macon. She walked and climbed those steep hills like a 65 year old. No elevators are good for your body!!! We found the old Ville of Viviers very interesting and the host family , for our dinner, in Tournon very charming.
Looking forward to your future slices of daily life. Thanks for sharing that and new French words.
Posted by: Miriam Young Moorestown, N.J. | Thursday, April 08, 2010 at 09:56 PM
I also admire your parenting and insight into your daughter's needs. But someone help me out here...I totally don't get the Geraldine is my cousin thing. Is that some sort of French insult? Or something like the "Bob's Your Uncle" English thing? (which I also don't get). :)
Posted by: LC | Friday, April 09, 2010 at 01:18 AM
Hi Honey,
Looks like you have turned off the comments on April 9ths word - I just wrote a BIG response but it didn't come through on this comment page. Jeeze I hate to try and rewrite all of my thoughts again. Maybe later.
XOXO
MOM
Posted by: Jules Greer | Friday, April 09, 2010 at 04:56 PM
wonderful snippet of motherhood that we all could learn from ms kristine.hope you and your family are well.
hello jackie.from another fellow jackie.
i suppose everyday is a learning experience.both for mothers and daughters.
have a good day.
Posted by: jac | Monday, April 12, 2010 at 04:23 PM
Coucou, Chahuter..... these fall in with a strange problem I have with a few (....growing in number) French words. My friend in Maisons Laffitte has made a little cheat sheet for me with the following....charcuterie, charcutier, charcutierre, choucroute, chouchou. And then, the word for tennis shoes that I can't remember. Oh, and the time I was trying to describe the restaurant in Angers where we ate saurkraut and I was actually telling someone about buying pork. Thanks for challenging me even more!
Posted by: Renee Pruett | Thursday, April 15, 2010 at 05:00 AM