epousailles
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Betrothed bikes in Orange, France.
épousailles (ay poo zeye) noun, feminine, plural
: nuptials, wedding
Paris-based novelist Janet Skeslien Charles is back with us today to talk about "le Oui" or the "I Do" of a union of two....
Le Mariage by Janet Skeslien Charles
In my novel Moonlight in Odessa, Daria, a young Ukrainian who longs for a better life marries Tristan, an American she meets through an international matchmaking organization. He said that he was a teacher, but Daria arrives at his home in California, she realizes that Tristan is not exactly who he said he was. But can a happy marriage be built based on a foundation of lies?
Today, I thought it might be interesting to talk about marriage in France. In French, le mariage can mean “the wedding” as well as “the marriage.” Did you know that only a mariage civil, a civil wedding ceremony, is recognized by the French government? A couple must be married by a maire, a mayor, before they can be married in a church. As a future bride, I was disappointed, imagining a sterile city hall wedding. Au contraire, city halls have beautiful rooms and the maire did a lovely job of personalizing our ceremony and he even spoke a few words of English.
My favorite expression concerning weddings is Mariage pluvieux, mariage heureux, a rainy wedding makes for a happy marriage. I heard this expression in Burgundy when it started to rain on my own wedding day and have heard it several times since, a small consolation to the brides who live in this lush, green, rainy country.
When we talk about a white wedding in America, we picture a bride in white. Many French brides choose to wear white gowns as well. In France, however, un mariage blanc, literally a “white marriage,” indicates a marriage of convenience. Here in Paris, we see many foreigners who want to live in France, so they marry a French friend or pay a French citizen as a way to gain valid working papers. The film “Green Card” with Gerard Depardieu deals with a French man who marries an American woman so that he can live in the States. In a mariage blanc, both parties understand that it is not a real marriage. In France, this kind of marriage fraud is a crime punishable by up to 5 years in prison and a 15,000 euro fine.
Of the 273,500 wedding celebrated in France, 84,000 were considered mixtes, or mixed, between a foreigner and a French citizen. According the newspaper Libération, marriage is considered the “main source of immigration in France.” In the last few years, French authorities have acknowledged a scam called mariages gris, or a gray marriages. Unlike a mariage blanc, where both partners are aware that the wedding is in name only, a mariage is considered ‘gris’ when a person who doesn’t have legal papers uses a French citizen in order to get a carte de résident, a Green Card. It is a union in which one partner doesn’t realize that the reason for the wedding was paperwork, not love. The recipe is simple – seduction, a wedding, the arrival of a carte de résident, divorce. This kind of marriage, a sentimental scam, is punished more severly than mariage blanc.
Even when two people have good intentions, engagements and weddings between foreigners aren’t easy. When an American friend and her French fiancé announced to his parents that they were going to get engaged, his mother replied, “C’est un peu extrême, non?”, or That’s a little extreme, isn’t it? The wedding didn’t take place. In “Moonlight in Odessa,” Daria’s future in-laws were not very kind to her either, though it was Tristan’s idea to rush into marriage. I wonder how readers would classify Daria’s marriage to Tristan – white, gray, or downright black.
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Le Coin Commentaires
To respond to Janet's essay, or to leave her a message, please click here to access the comments box.
Janet Skeslien Charles’ debut novel Moonlight in Odessa was chosen by Publishers Weekly as one of their top ten debut novels of Fall 2009.
It was Book of the Month in the September issue of National Geographic Traveler. BBC Radio 4’s Book at Bedtime featured Moonlight in Odessa for two weeks in February 2010.
Click here to order Janet's book.
“This is a delicious novel—wise, witty, wonderfully written...”—Vivian Gornick
"Charles’ transatlantic saga explores the dichotomy between Eastern and Western cultures, as well as the assumptions and sacrifices people make in the hope of a better life.” —Booklist
French Vocabulary
un maire – the mayor
un mariage – wedding or marriage
un mariage blanc – a marriage of convenience
un mariage gris – a scam in which a person marries a French person in order to gain valid
working papers, then divorces the unsuspecting spouse
un mariage civil – a civil wedding ceremony
Mariage pluvieux, mariage heureux – a rainy wedding makes for a happy marriage
Smokey says: my pawrents: Maw (right) and Paw (left). Speaking of le mariage, I hear these two eloped in Marseilles. Don't miss the story, here, in the latest book (a perfect gift for dog-lovers!) Click here to order.
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Bonjour:
I enjoyed this morning's post, and thought I would add my two sous about mariage blanc. In the 1800s (and probably before that), a white marriage in France was a marriage which was not consummated. Generally, at least by the 1890s, the time period in which I am writing my own book, a mariage blanc was (usually)agreed upon by both parties in the marriage contract. It was a way for rich Lesbians to marry without sexual repercussion, or to salve the bride's nerves when a (wealthy) very young woman married a much older man, or when two adult parties, perhaps both homosexual married so they could remain fixtures in Society.
The conventions of the time required that women be married or be outcast, but there were always exceptions, and the reasons why were endless.
Also, you might be interested to know that in some parts of the US, a "white wedding" means that the bride is pregnant.
I enjoy this blog immensely, I've learned so many new words and phrases and found so many books and just plain "stuff"...just great!!
Linda
Posted by: Linda Hollander | Wednesday, September 22, 2010 at 01:32 PM
I'm adding "Moonlight in Odessa" to my to-read list based on your description of the story today, Janet. The comment from the French parent: “C’est un peu extrême, non?” seems to imply that just living together is fine, there's no need of marriage. The few young, French couples that I know are all just living together and having children without being married. Is this the new norm in France?
Smokey, we know where you get your good looks from with parents like yours!
Posted by: Bill in St. Paul | Wednesday, September 22, 2010 at 01:43 PM
This is a particular enjoyable story. Thank you for starting my morning so enjoyable. sincerely Joyce Hoover
Posted by: Joyce Hoover | Wednesday, September 22, 2010 at 01:47 PM
Le plus beau des amours ne résiste pas à l'avarice. (The most beautiful of loves is no match for greed)
Posted by: gail bingenheimer | Wednesday, September 22, 2010 at 01:53 PM
I thought that a "shot-gun" marriage was one of urgency!
Posted by: Jeanne | Wednesday, September 22, 2010 at 01:59 PM
The Italians have the same sentiment: "Sposa bagnata, sposa fortunata" (soaked bride, lucky bride). It's always struck me as a way to try and make the best of a bad situation, the way the French say it's good luck to step in les crottes du chien.
Posted by: Passante | Wednesday, September 22, 2010 at 02:27 PM
Interesting post. Like Jeanne, I always heard that a "shot-gun" wedding meant that the bride was pregnant. When people say "the bride wore white", it usually has a positive connotation, not a negative one. Hmmmmm....
Posted by: Mindy | Wednesday, September 22, 2010 at 02:28 PM
I recommend Cupid's Wild Arrows: Intercultural Romance and Its Consequences, a book I read at the home of Swiss friends, originally published there, I believe. It's a collection of 50 true stories of some successful, some not, alliances.
As a new subscriber to this site, I also add my admiration for the words chosen, beautiful photos and stories.
Posted by: Glee | Wednesday, September 22, 2010 at 02:42 PM
Here's a little FYI for you:
I was the Wardrobe Supervisor on GREEN CARD with Andie McDowell and Gerard Depardieu.
I had a wonderful time with Gerard-he is as nice as they come! And I've worked with Andie since and she was glad to see me again!
Posted by: Roseann | Wednesday, September 22, 2010 at 04:22 PM
Roseann,
I LOVE the movie Green Card! That is very cool!
Posted by: Heidi | Wednesday, September 22, 2010 at 05:38 PM
Thanks for this crash course in French culture. When I'm in France, I love to be near the mairie on a Saturday morning. All the bridal parties fill the plaza -- so much public merriment. Then they all head to the different churches in a caravan of cars and the church bells peal all over town all afternoon as each marriage is celebrated.
Posted by: Julie F | Wednesday, September 22, 2010 at 06:27 PM
The Pacte Civil de Solidarité (PACS) is a legal alternative to marriage in France . It confers many of the same rights as traditional marriage, but is easier to dissolve. It is also a way for gay couples to "marry." For more information, see http://paris.angloinfo.com/countries/france/pacs.asp. I learned about this while studying in an intensive language school last year in Lyon.
Posted by: Kathie Allen | Wednesday, September 22, 2010 at 07:12 PM
How interesting! I love learning little tidbits (about a culture I love so much) by the hand of an obviously wonderful writer. Thanks for day two of inspiration.
Posted by: Emily | Wednesday, September 22, 2010 at 11:35 PM
I remember being in southern France in the 70's and, following the wedding ceremony, the bridal car would be covered in flowers. At the time I thought, hmmm, much nicer than all the words/advice that get painted on cars in the United States. Recently I walked through a church courtyard in France and there were flower petals scattered everywhere, reminding me that a marriage had recently been celebrated. A lovely posting today - very informative but especially enjoyable just because it brings back lots of memories.
Posted by: Linda R. | Thursday, September 23, 2010 at 02:49 PM
I was very interested to learn about the different types of marriage in France, but shocked at the numbers of 'mixte' versions, something over a third of weddings involving a foreigner. Were those figures correct?
I was also rather shocked that Kristin left out 'father' in the description of her husband, surely a most important part of both their lives...
Posted by: Helen Eatwell | Thursday, September 23, 2010 at 06:36 PM
Helen, I appreciate your pointing this out. Regarding the short bio about Jean-Marc (located in the blog's sidebar) and the missing designation ("father"): that was an unfortunate oversight on my part -- for I could not have wished for a better father for our children. We dont call him "Papa Poule" for nothin :-)
Kristin
Posted by: Kristin Espinasse | Thursday, September 23, 2010 at 07:44 PM
Love the pics as usual and know you are busy with the harvest but no offence I don't like the blog being 'taken over' by another guest author two times on the trot to push her own book! This is the way to lose one avid reader - I just tuned out when I saw it was the same person trying to push her book AGAIN on your site and didn't read a word!I tune in regularly for bona fide Kristin words not those of another.
Posted by: Robyn Daniels | Thursday, September 23, 2010 at 09:21 PM
Your post inspired me AGAIN... http://www.fififlowers.com/2010/09/deux-cafes-paris-await-us.html
Posted by: Fifi Flowers | Thursday, September 23, 2010 at 11:37 PM
Robyn, might you read the post before assuming it's just a promotion for the writer's book? Except for the opening paragraph which mentions her book, it presents lots of interesting information about marriage in France. Kristin needs (and deserves) a break from writing in the midst of harvest season and it's nice to have a guest columnist instead of ... nothing?
Posted by: Lee Isbell | Monday, September 27, 2010 at 07:05 PM
Interesting topic; we always think of people moving to the US to do this; it gives us a chance to reflect that there is "people movement" all over the world. I was surprised at the % of mixed: marriages stated; I wonder what the % is in the US. Whenever I read the daily local newspapers in France, I noticed there are many brides and grooms who pose with their children for their formal wedding pictures; hadn't noticed this phenomena before.
Posted by: nancy | Sunday, October 17, 2010 at 11:34 PM