FRENCH WORD-A-DAY

I really enjoyed that read, Kristin. I wonder if you realize that you are enfolded by love and concern from so many people around the world ...? Thank you for sharing your thoughts, the strong ones and the weak ones (((hug)))
Love you, Vera x x x

PS: That yellow bush is spelt "forsythia" ;-)

I think the French spell it the same way, Kristin: forsythia? It is a heavenly moment in spring when the first glowing yellow blossoms appear.....Such a joyful colour... I hope you can persuade your lovely Max to NOT do his stint in the army. They teach young men to forgo their individuality. They turn young men into killing machines. They mangle their minds.....Perhaps one of your fans here knows of books available to put him off the idea....

As a mother of three boys - 17, 15 and 12 - I am thrilled we do not have compulsory military duty in Australia. Despite quelqu'un doit le faire, I don't want it to be one of mine - selfish yes I know but cant help it!!

Autumn has just arrived and our leaves are changing colours before they disappear...........

Dear, dear lady adrift in a foreign land. I of course read all your columns and have a special love for your wonderful doggie friends. But now let me "counter-attack" some of the words above about "not allowing your son to do his French army duty." Of course the Western world is sick and tired of wars and the things that have to be done to control the growing chaos in our poor old civilization.
But, from the point of view of the psychological damage it does to a young man and his image of himself among his peers, there is almost nothing worse than a mother who puts doubt in his mind, plants the seeds of fear and lack of self-confidence in his own "young man's new mastery" of himself and belief in his ability to deal with the dangers and tough decisions that must be made.
I speak from experience, from the inner trembling of nearly 10 years of having my 3 kids (a daughter and 2 sons) do their army service in very active duty in Israel -- I as the gently and gentilely-raised, anti-war, peacenik type of American mother in a foreign land. A gentle and precious son or daughter must have more than a year before entering army life to prepare himself mentally and become acquainted with his own new maturity as he enters the "world of men" and "the world of mortal danger." It is a "Rite of Passage" that should never be interrupted by a mother's fear. She must keep it to herself, share it with her husband, but put on a brave front of strong belief in her child's capabilities and belief that he or she will learn and master whatever life brings. DON'T PLANT DOUBT IN HIS MIND!! Self-doubt itself also brings the danger of making a fatal mistake during training or in a dangerous situation. But the Pride that can result from doing their job well and earning respect from their peers is a priceless gift that will last them all their lives.
I am an American/expat writer living in Castellar just above Menton. My book about family life and my own "education in foreign ways" -- social, political, professional work, personal and observational -- during 30 years in Israel was published in Denmark in 2002. If you want to read it (including many of the subjects you are grappling with) I only need your exact mailing address, and will send it to you (or come to Menton and meet for a cup of coffee etc. -- at age 79 I don't often travel much.
Anyway, I'm rooting for you!! Cheers, Ellen
e-mail [email protected]

You have captured the exact juxtaposition of life today - the beauty and the precariousness of all that live in it. And it being Spring, when everything blooms into maturity, makes you realize that we just have to sit back and simply be amazed.

That being said... motherhood is not for wimps. Maybe you could drop a few brochures on being a park ranger around la maison? :)

Not written by an American conservative, but rather by an English liberal, the answer to Max' call may be encapsulized in , "War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself."

When Gabriel blows his horn and the world Bill Facker envisions above is ushered in, then we will no longer need mere humans to do the work here. God will have removed evil and done it through blood other than ours. Until then, it's up to us to stand up to evil; my three kids and a son-in-law included. Merci a Max for even considering it.

Dearest Kristin,

Let me add my words to those eloquently given by Sara Ellen and Pat (and my strong disagreement with the "killing machine" statement). My son shared his desire to join the US Marine Corp with me in his last year of high school. After a bit of discussion, I voiced my fear as, "but you could be killed." He smiled and said, "Yes, but there is nothing more important to die for than your country and freedom." And, as a flag-waving American and lover of liberty, I had no argument left.

He went off to bootcamp, and I was so proud when I attended his graduation a few months later ... my baby had become a handsome young man. The two day drive home, in uniform, resulted in so many older men saluting him, women dabbing away tears, and he couldn't pay for a meal in any restaurant. I thought he had been replaced by a pod being when he told me, "I can't wait to get home and iron my gear."

Over the next four years he was deployed in so many places ... the Philippines, Okinawa and mainland Japan, France, Italy, Spain etc. In Panama, during the Noriega days, he had a minor shrapnel injury, and he had a harrowing experience in a tent at the DMZ in Korea when a Navy dentist pulled a bad tooth for him, but other than that, he came home totally unharmed. His years in the military helped him to learn life skills that have enriched him in many ways, and he formed lifelong friendships with a great group of men, now scattered across the States but joined forever in their service memories.

Your fears are normal, sweet girl. Your dear young man is a budding patriot. We only have our children under our roofs for a limited time. Cherish every moment, keep them always bathed in prayer, and take pride in them when they do the right thing.

All my love,

Jeanne

Dear Kristen,
I strongly disagree with your support of your son's comment, "Someone's gotta do it". No, someone - read everyone, needs to say, "no".
If we all say no to this killing of each other, there would be no need for armed forces. Please continue to practice your loving ways completely. War is never an answer. Never.

I forgot to add that not all military careers involve combat. Since Max already has abundant horticultural experience, it is likely that he would be assigned to an agricultural unit helping farmers in other countries to find ways to grow vegetables and fruits (including grapes) instead of coca plants or marijuana. It is unlikely that a young man with such vast experience would become a foot soldier.

Committing to something bigger than ourselves--perfect training for a young person. Joining the military,however, at least in the U.S., is to throw yourself under a bus. Aside from any discussion of killing for good or dubious reasons, our men and women in uniform are tricked into thinking they will get a college education and the end(the slightest infraction can wipe out that possibility) and once they return home there is an insulting lack of medical and psychological care available. The truth is that most military volunteers are poor kids and people of color who find themselves halfway across the world shooting at poor, colorful people like themselves and wondering why.
I imagine that France doesn't chew up and spit out its soldiers with the same hypocritical disregard as America does, which is some solace.
All this said, I agree with commentators who point out that it is Max who will need to see this. Whatever Max chooses, he will have a loving family behind him, so he will do well.

To those who think joining the military will make him a killing machine with no personality of his own, I think you really to go out and meet some veterans. No soldier, sailor, Marine or airman becomes a killing machine. None kill without remorse of having been forced to do it by the circumstances of 'kill or be killed'.

He who desires peace, prepares for war - Quo desiderat pacem, para bellum - Il qui désire la paix, se prépare à la guerre

There are some things worth fighting against. If you never heard of Oradour-sur-Glane, you should read about it: http://habap.wordpress.com/2011/03/19/mans-inhumanity-to-man-oradour-sur-glane/

I would suggest to your son as I suggest to all young men I've known who wished to serve: seek to serve with the best so that you know you can count on the man next to you. Any of the regiments of Parachutistes certainly meet that criteria.

DEAR KRISTI, WITH 2 SONS NOW IN THEIR FIFTIES THERE ARE STILL VIVID MEMORIES OF THINKING OF ALL THE TIME, EFFORT, & RESOURCES SPENT RAISING SONS WHO CHOOSE TO RISK BECOMING "cannon fodder". THE COMMENTS ABOVE SHOW PROFUNDITY, HOWEVER I SIDE WITH HEATHER ROBINSON & MARTINE, NYC. I DON'T SEE THE END OF WARS BUT I HONOR MOST THOSE WHO FIGHT AND GIVE THEIR LIVES FOR PEACE, LOVE & JUSTICE, LIKE JESUS, GANDHI, AND COUNTLESS MOTHERS AND FATHERS WHO WORK HEROICALLY TO BRING LIFE AND A CHANCE FOR A REASONABLE FUTURE TO THEIR OFFSPRING -- OFTEN LEADING TO POOR HEALTH AND THEIR OWN EARLY DEATH.

You and JM have and do give both your children great "roots" and when they take to their "wings", the will fly with so much of their parents genes and lessons learned by their parents' models, you will be amazed and so proud. Comme toujours!

Kristin, you certainly showed the paradox of parenting in this story. You know that you did a great job as a parent when you raise a son willing to take on the responsibility of national defense. But because you raised such a great son, it means that (one way or another) he will move off into his own world and away from you. I raised a daughter willing to go as far as Russia to fulfill her dreams and a son who (while living close by) is more than happy to live his life without checking in with Mom every day. I wish they were both 8 years old again so I'd have another 15 years with them at home. But I'm happy they want to leave.

I AM LOVING ALL THE COMMENTS TODAY -

KRISTI AND I JUST FINISHED A LIVELY HOUR OF CONVERSATION REGARDING ALL OF YOU AND YOUR THOUGHTS REGARDING THE DUTY WE HAVE TO CONTINUE ON WITH MAX'S PREPARATION FOR THE FIRST MAJOR 'CROSS-ROAD' OF HIS LIFE.

WHAT A GIFT FOR KRISTI AND ME TO HAVE ALL OF YOUR THOUGHTS BUNDLED UP INTO THIS POST.

I WISH ALL OF YOU COULD HAVE BEEN ON THE PHONE WITH US.

XOXO

JULES

The picture of the house with the almond tree in front should be the cover of your next book!!

Kristin,

I love your website because last week you talked about the fun of sneaking into a bar and today you are talking about the serious subject of service to your country. You cover everything always with your heart on your sleeve and we love you for it.

Merci beaucoup
Melanie

Dear Kristin,

You know you have been a success as a parent when your children have the confidence and courage to want to venture out into the world which is totally unknown to them. It's hard, very hard for parents who love them so much. My thoughts are with you.

I know just how you feel, only a little bit different. I think this is the sorrow being talked about in the bible, in Gen 1:16 Unto the awoman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth dchildren;... I think it should have a foot note that says in sorrow we let them grow up much to fast for our hearts.
It is amazing to see our baby's become men.
XOXO,
Missy

I know what it is like to worry, even briefly, about a son in the armed services. My son, barely 18, was for a short time a Marine, before being discharged for medical reasons.

Max deserves credit for his willingness to serve. And yes, some wars - World War II especially - do need to be fought. My father was in France for a while during that war. For every war or potential war, we have to consider what price must be paid, and if it is worth the lives of our dedicated troops.

I'm wondering though, about noncompulsory military service in France. Didn't Max get a letter last year in which he had to register, sort of like Selective Service in the USA? Or was that just to be able to reach him in case of national emergency?

In previous posts, such as one from a couple of years ago, Max was interested in cooking. True, teens' interests often change. I hope that whatever Max does, he will do so for clear reasons that will ultimately benefit him. Does he contemplate further education at some point?

We are always interested in how the "kids" are doing. Does Jackie still want a career in fashion?

I AM LOVING ALL OF THESE COMMENTS - KRISTI AND I ARE LISTENING TO EVERY WORD YOU PLACE IN THE COMMENT BOX - WE APPRECIATE THAT YOU ALL TAKE THE TIME TO SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS WITH US.

XOXO

JULES

Education is first, Kristin, and you do hold some strings when a child is young, even at 18 when he thinks he is an adult.
Education first, then serve your country. How can you go to other countries knowing zero about them, without knowing the language of that people, the culture, the systems you must work with to 'serve your country'. I'm with the first comment--someone has to say 'no'. But I would insist that my child go to university at least two years before venturing into an army!!!