FRENCH WORD-A-DAY

Hi, Kristin. I've sent you a note before about the struggle all writers/memoirists encounter when they try to tell their stories. You know those around you the best and where to draw the line. So don't listen to those who pass judgements on which stories you try to tell. You are simply showing yourself as a reader with many sides. Sometimes you feel a need to do more than your witty stories on French country life (although you do that extremely well). I love your fearlessness in writing and need to develop more of it in my own.

While your family is here, please don't stop posting completely. We'd love occasional photo essays because we can never get too much of the dogs or what Jules is wearing (her Frido cape, bien sûr?)

By the way, isn't it time for Smokey-doke to have his own Facebook page?

I agree 1000% with Julie. Write what you MUST and it will always ring true and heartfelt. And it will be important, too, because it will help others, if only by eliciting a smile, awakening a memory, or inspiring empathy.

I'll second Julie and Angela - keep writing what you feel. I love that wedding picture of you and Jean-Marc. You look like you're thinking "Got him!" J-M looks like he's thinking "Stop squeezing my hand so hard!"

Greetings, Kristin. I'm new to your life-blog, just interested in chuckling over an occasional french phrase to toss into the attic of my mind. Although I didn't take a great deal of time to truly understand your situation, after jotting down 'une broutille' I chuckled at your story about one french man, electricity, and water. Although I consider myself tolerant and open minded, I admit owning the stereotype that 'french men can be so darned capricious' (aka curious, creative) in exactly this way, leading you to write an entire HUGE paragraph justifying why water+electricity makes you nuts (!). (On the same note, I wouldn't expect a long justification about why it would bother you to own a tiger for a pet because someone you knew was mauled by one.)

If I were in your shoes...no, I could not do it (e.g. "go ahead, dry your hair while bathing"). The constant need to tell myself "je ne give a damn pas" would not bring out the best in me. But somehow, the best in you seems to be flourishing. You are brave for sending out these sacred thoughts into the ether. I enjoyed a few moments of learning and connecting.

You have a God-given gift for writing that should not be stopped, my dear Kristin! No matter what we do in life, as long as we're following His lead and will, we will be on the right path — the path of Truth. There will always be people who don't understand or think we do wrong. We cannot control how others feel. That is their own struggle. You are a treasured child of God! Do what He asks and you'll always do what's right. Much love!!!

Thank you for sharing your truth. All of it.

Awesome! Your best story yet!
As a woman also married to someone who feels the need to tempt the fates with his DIY projects, I can completely relate. I travel for my job and we have weekly enforced absences (probably why it all works out, I strongly recommend marital recesses). I think if you pack that bag again, do so with the idea that are not leaving Jean Marc (and not trying to punish him in any way), but are setting out to find yourself! A little self exploration added to the adventure of exploring some place new can bring lots of answers! Also, do not try to stop Jean Marc, but instead, pray that he will not hurt himself. Count on God to take care of your husband's self destructive bent and open yourself to spiritual enlightenment in the process. You will be amazed at the results. Men like our husbands fight back against what they view as controlling females, so step aside and let him go. His problem is likely not with you at all, but something he's been fighting from when he was a kid. Let him work it out.
He could just as easily put some gum or putty on a stick to retrieve the bottle cap, but he chose to go the electricity route, probably because he knew it would get a rise out of you, so just let him do it next time and remove yourself from the conflct. Let him exercise his own judgement and you may find he actually does start to think this harebrained stuff out finally. You need to step out of the policeman role and let him figure it all out on his own. These situations provide a good time for that trip for you, but don't go to the hotel in your town, find someplace you really want to visit and go.
As for weight, I've been heavy for the last several years and am amazed at how other people react to this. All the assumptions they make, all the weird behavior that they express. I think their reactions about my weight say a lot more about them than it does about me. I am heavy due to an illness and the drugs they had to put me on, not due to bad eating habits. I eat healthier than most people and am fine with the weight. I am alive, and that is what counts!! We each need to celebrate our successes, whether it's a retrieved bottle cap, a 50th birthday or a 10 year anniversary of an important pledge!

Kristin,
you are in inspiration with your honesty...if readers are uncomfortable with it, they are not required to read the blog.

Kistin, I have not written before, though I have wanted to. I have your books and have followed your blog for several years. My husband and I have traveled to Houston and even met Jean Marc. We enjoy the Rose and wish for the opportunity to meet you. Your blog today touched my heart and I finally have to write. The very BEST part of all your stories is that you ARE so honest. You are very transparent and you should follow that still small voice and write the truth. It will help others and liberate you.

I love reading your posts; you are a lovely person, and your family is wonderful. Your husband is an adventurer, an adventurer in the world of "let me see if I can fix it myself." You are an adventurer too, in the world of "let me see if I can express it on paper." Your adventures seem safer than his, but only in the physical realm. Yours provide far more risk in the emotional realm. I'm glad you didn't go to that hotel. That kind of response can become a habit. Not saying that would become the case here, but just something to think about.

Keep writing honestly, Kristin. You have such courage. I doubt you see it that way, but you do. No one's opinion of you or what you write matters, and you're not responsible for the way they respond to your honesty, to your humanness, to your humility. Your mother is right about your gift - but it's not just your writing, it's the content that you choose to share - sometimes raw, sometimes humorous, sometimes contemplative. It's all good.

Truth be told, most married couples, oh, all married couples have disagreements, it's the resolution that is important. :-) Having read your blog for a few years, I know you always have a good outcome and resolution, rather than just coming on and venting. I tend to be the one in my life that gets into precarious repair situations. My worst was being stuck on the roof and having to shimmy down a big tree next to the house, lol. No one else was home when I went up to check a dormer (stupid me, lol) and no one seemed to notice I was up there frantically waving my arms, though I did enjoy the view ;-) haha. Joke was on me! And I'll never do that again.

Kristin, let me give you what they say is the sort of responses that males give, not sympathy but solutions. Most men love tools and the sort of tool, an inexpensive at that, that is used to get metal things out of hard to reach places is a magnet at the end of a stick. Look in Amazon.com; here's one, the Amico Auto Repair Flexible Slender Metal Magnet Pick up Tool. And if you want to stick the offending bottle cap as a trophy on the refrig, here's how: http://www.instructables.com/id/Cheap-and-simple-bottle-cap-magnets/.

Once again wonderful story and well written. I totally agree with Jean Marc. Tell your truth. It is interesting edifying and just plain entertaining. At the same time any of those naysayers need to get a life. Sometimes you have to wage a war in this life and sometimes you bleed but nothing is failure like the failure of looking back and saying I could have or should have... As to Marseilles 1994 you are a beautiful couple but the look on Jean Marc's face and the posture and the hand grips say to me he is thinking Wildflower wildflower how can I have a wildflower.

Oh and on my desk heavy old dark walnut desk of 40 years sits a likewise to Marseilles 1994 photo in a little brass oval of a young couple, a slimmer young me and a dark haired beauty who could have strolled in off the beach in southern France and she has a white gown and a white corsage and short brown hair and a white smile all captured decades ago on the hilltop or our little Iowa farm. An angel from Heaven then and to this day. God bless you both, Jean Marc and Kristin and thank you for your work.

Kristi,
You are a writer and whatever your fingers tap out is what's meant to be. Never withhold your thoughts and actions for fear of judgment. Writing is so therapeutic and you deserve the right to let it out, whatever is fomenting in your beautful brain. We're all blessed and cursed with weird habits and temperaments (sp?) and what a dull world it would be if we were all alike. You and Jules have a wonderful week and we look forward to your next column. In the meantime, please send pictures of Braise and Smokey to comfort us.

Gosh, Kristin,so much fodder today! I don't know where to start!

First, to me your writing is how you process and understand your life and experiences and relationships. and doing that helps you extract so much more out of it. it is experienced--and then some. No matter WHAT you write, there will be some that are 'uncomfortable' with it--but that discomfort is really about themselves, not you. in rereading that, it sounds judgemental and i don't mean it in that way at all--it's just that everything has a very specific and personal context for each person, and that is theirs. we can't always know what that is--and we don't always need to. we must just let it be theirs. so---write on! we will gobble up every word and lick the spoon dry.

then there's men and women--sheesh. i always assumed the older i got, the more i would understand them. but it actually may be the chiefest proof to me that there is a god--because without some kind of divine intervention, i think the species might have died out. Bless our pea-pickin hearts. we will never tackle a problem the same way. and that's really the good news. and of course the challenge. and finding the humor in it is often the diffuser. I lived in montana for many years and there was a popular adage--well, life outlook really: "If it didn't kill ya, it's probably funny." That's an overstatement of course...there are many things that are NOT funny. but what it says to me is that sometimes it's helpful to look at a difficult situation through a different lens--and often i see the ridiculousness in it. pressure relieved.

Ack--i'm rambling. wish i could be a fly on the wall watching you and jules play. it will make me smile all week thinking of it. eat up every minute of it! :)

I find the qualities you dislike increasingly in evidence as I grow older. Keeping an awareness of them helps ameliorate their impact on others. Thinking of the good the other brings into your life is like a finger on the balance scale insuring that the negative impulses dont begin to outweigh the positive. Also there's nothing wrong in apologizing to those we hurt , letting them know that once in awhile the crazies take over the ship.

Hi Kristin, Please, always tell your story, your adventure in existence. We are all on this amazing path and your courage to be real is a beacon to all of us who search for meaning and growth in life. Have a wonderful week with your very wise mother. Wishing you laughter and giggles and intimacy and joy.
Mary

Kristin,

Writers (the ones worth reading) write because they MUST. It is telling that I find I MUST read your blog posts because, whether about France, French, your family, or introspection, they are always a satisfying read. This last one in particular hit close to home, and so will make a difference in my life. Now, how cool is that!

Warmest regards, Paul in Skokie, IL

Kristin, Please don't ever stop writing your blog. I so enjoy learning the French phrases, and most importantly, getting to know you, your family and about your daily lives in the south of France.

Your experiences and feelings reflect those of your readers wherever we reside on this earth. We can identify and empathize with you as well as learn from you. Our humanity unites us.

I have come to know you, beyond our brief chats on the AMAdagio, respect you and count you as a trusted and important friend. I look forward to when our paths will cross again. Until then, we are connected through your blog and your beautiful writings.

Enjoy your time with you mother!

Oh, I am still smiling. Any man who would bring you wildflowers instead of roses is a pushover! And I would rather have wildflowers than anything else. Marriage is not perfect, life is not perfect, people are not perfect. In fact, I think the word should be struck from the English language. If all were perfect, what could we strive for? I think your blog would be rather boring if your life and blog were perfect.
Perhaps you ought to keep that photograph in a frame on your "writing desk" and whenever one of these exchanging of words occurs you both should go look at it and remember why you are both there together.And you know, men will be "men" sometimes and I guess we should let them be once and awhile. But not to overdo it.
Joie
ps. I love these new little phrases that you are putting out there.

This is a very moving post and I thank you for sharing. I agree with JM - if it is the truth then write it if you want. It feels that you are sharing the human saga of love, growth, expansion/contraction, love, change, love, as expressed by your life. When I feel discomfort reading your posts then I look inward to see what is coming up from my life that needs attention. Thank you for that. And clever fix - its are good to hear about - never know when I might need one. Have a wonderful weekend.

Hear hear to all the the comments .. those of us who LOVE your stories and photos know that you write from the heart .. so write on Viking Princess! By the way, the wedding picture of you and Jean-Marc make me drool with envy. You two are the most delicious couple in France, with the most beautiful pets, children and family life anybody (on the outside looking in) could ever wish for. Don't let a few unkind comments spoil your creativity. Enjoy your mom's visit. We'll see you when you get back. Greetings from the Netherlands. Linda

Kristin, what you share in your writing is Your choice, above all. Don't let others lead you to second guess yourself. That you have chosen lately to introduce some more personal aspects of your life to the blog has made your writing so much more real and relate-able. We have all had moments where we regret our past behavior. That you are sharing your moments makes me realize that I am not the only one who works everyday to improve my temper. There is something powerful in knowing that others walk your same difficult path. Keep the stories coming, and many happy returns!!

Salut, Kristin,

Never be afraid to express what you truly feel, as it is your inner self, and that always captures the heart and interest of your readers. I, for one, simply love your blog, and never miss it, and I´m a readers´ reader, having started my love affair with books at the age of 3, and have never let up.
Now, I myself, have become a writer, and to my shock, the other day, found out that, in addition to my first published book, Two Sides of a Tale, I´ve actually, well, not penned, but lap-topped (how´s that for a new verb?) 10 more separate books from that first cat tale (ha!ha!), then went on to write a book on singing technique, then, novels to poetry to socio-political essays. Writing is threatening to supplant my love for singing.
So, write on and never doubt. You write engagingly, wittily and always from the heart. Never doubt yourself.

.... Kristin.... always remember your inner 'Yoda' ...
'don't think, do!" .... you can never go wrong! We are the fortunate ones to have you share your lives with us... W all love you and wish only the best for you... Judi from Tallahassee, Fl.

Chere Kristin, I am NOT your Mother and I would beg you to never allow anyone or anything to put a hold on your creativity and writing. For certain it must be so necessary to you, and for certain it is a huge gift to your readers. Think of how many people whose lives you have touched and enriched. We are all so imperfect and thank God for that. Marriage is a constant journey of learning and loving, as is parenting. Along with you, my life has been so touched by alcoholism from a parent to a husband to a child. We are not alone and we do not need to hide.I did that for far too many years..from shame. My dear Father has left us, my husband was in recovery for almost 20 yrs before he passed, and my son is in recovery...which is unending. My grateful heart says merci, always. When someone you deeply admire shares the agony of the disease with me, I feel such a huge lift of spirit...my shame begins to wane. You are that person I deeply admire. "It is good when you got woman who is a friend of your mind." ...and heart. Annette Heath

The men in my life (brothers, in laws, and nephews now) do everything carefully and by the book, safety first. So many engineers in the group?

Here, the kitchen drain can be easily taken apart, to fetch out an object like that, and more important, put back together again simply. Is it done the same way in France?

But your story really has not much to do with plumbing or vacuums, does it? It was about fears and fast judgments. Deep fears, as it took you so many days to lose the fear.

It amazes me how you make those emotions so vivid, in the kind of conflict everyone has, with someone important. Knowing now with 20-20 hindsight when you escalated that you might have done better with a whole different sort of response. Next time will be different.

Now I wonder, did we see the photo of the first or the third bouquet of wildflowers, so beautiful?

I whole-heartedly agree with the Chief Grape, "If it is the truth, then tell it."

In sharing one's troubles, one can not only find release, but also ease the pain of others with the same or other troubles.

Keep up the good work!

Doubt you are the first wife who,s had a bag packed......it's called life, marriage,baggage we bring with us when we marry.Had a client who had a bag packed for 40yrs of marriage,and when it was out of the closet he knew he was in trouble.
Everytime your husband succeeds with his hairbrain ideas it gives him the encouragement to risk more.....and you fear being a widow.....the trials of marriage I say.....no keep that bag packed.....

Him: She's my live wire. I feel the sparks between us!

Her: He's so exciting! Positively electric!

(PS. I am married to a much older than yours DIY French guy with absolutely no electrical wiring training. Thanks for giving me an appreciation of his fascination. The good news is: He's still here rewiring and connecting appliances to his heart's content. Meanwhile, I never blow dry my hair in the bathroom unless I do a dry floor inspection and am wearing my rubber flip flops 'cause he installed the light with the electrical outlet. Do you think the flip flops will protect me in the event of ...)

Stick with your instincts Kristin! I have never written before, but today's post has me writing thank you for sharing so much of yourself with the world through your writing. My husband and I are both Francophiles and have followed your blog for several years. Whatever the subject, it is your humanity and openness about yourself that make your writing so engaging, thoughtful, and inspiring. So glad Jean-Marc and your wonderful Mom encourage your work!

Dear Magnificient Writer,
Keep at it just the way you do. I struggle w/weight. I have decided to wear it well.

All of us make mistakes, Isn't that why pencils have erasers? All of us have troubles. "That is life." Messy and Complicated, maybe that is why we love to ready your writing while we learn the French language!! Do not the French have a lovely expression for that? C'est le vie (sp???)

Hug your mom for me, visit with her entirely. I lost mine on 4/7 this year and want to hold her hand, sing songs, chitty chat, make carved stamps, draw and paint. And tell Jules we love her writing too!!!!!

As for water and electricity, makes my palm sweat just reading about it. Glad all worked out in the end. As we said in the '70s keep on trucking : )

You must write what you know. That is what writers do. You know I have expressed this before, it doesn't matter what people think. You can't please everyone and if they are uncomfortable really it is their problem. Life is to short to worry what other people think. Write, love, live and most of all enjoy.

Wish I was there with you and Jules!!! Big Hug!! xoxo

I don't comment very often, but I am still reading your blogs, which means they are still very appealing to me. I loathe journalists who will write or say anything for attention in some misguided and, usually, fundamentally dishonest, claim to "truth." Your posts are thoughtful, respectful of your husband and children, and you don't write about anything that has not been carefully and honestly processed before you publish it. Your struggle is to be honest with yourself, and you do it well. I enjoyed today's post, and most of all, I caught snapshots and thoughts that bring life moments into focus--for you and for any thoughtful reader. Please continue sharing your journey and do not be discouraged by a few critics. Your mom is right!

Our dear Kristi,
Your post today has once again wrapped itself around our hearts and made us so appreciate both your gifted writing and YOU as a warm,caring,loving person whom we are fortunate to have in our lives.
Your words never fail to be a breath of fresh air and a joyful insight into your lives--facing ups and downs in marriage as we all must do. The downs help us appreciate the ups (which ,for certain,are way in the majority).
Listen only to your heart and common sense and let the critics go jump in the lake.
My husband has never worn a wedding ring (dislikes any kind of jewellery).He was in a high profile job, is handsome, and had to travel alot. I wish I had a dollar for every idiot who told me I should force him to wear one,lest some woman (floozy was the exact word used) would come steal him away.
I finally asked him why not wear a ring(?) and his reply was : (paraphrased) If I need a ring to remind me I have a wife, we are in deep trouble.
Amen.
Follow your heart and listen to your common sense, and, most of all,to your dear mom.
You two are awesome!
Love. Natalia XO

Kristin: perhaps the reader who expressed their uneasy with "your alcoholism" may have problems with it themself. One day at a time...it's part of our story. Continue to tell your story in your most eloquent way.

Kristin, you are a human being. We have all experienced many of the same feelings, desires, and attitudes (perfectionism, desire for control, etc. etc.) It's good that you can, at least after a while, be objective enough to see yourself with accuracy, but don't beat yourself up too much.

It seems to me that J-M has been very supportive over the years, and is worth his weight in gold. Others are not perfect, either, and so we take the annoyances along with the pluses.

Caption for the wedding picture: "Pour toujours!"

Patty Austin: Yes, « c'est la vie »…. And the song continues…. what ever will be, will be!

The French also have another saying that goes:
« c'est la vie, c'est la guerre, c'est la pomme de terre! » which discretely translated means . . . “Stuff happens!” and might describe the consequences.

Kristi...I found this post to be a very tender piece of writing....wonderful! :-)

Kristin!
Remember, we are all mirrors of one another. Best not to let what frightens another encroach upon your experience. Those people are projecting their own experiences on you and appear to have their own issues with addiction and fear of loss of a loved one (respectively). Those comments are about them and their own triggers, not you. I admire your honesty. Brava to you!

Electricity and water - a major 'no no' for me, too. I would actually prefer he flip the circuit breakers off before changing a light bulb and there's not even any water involved!! But, any of my 'no don't do that with electricity' always meets with the same 'zapping' back and forth - just like electrical 'noise' between us. It can be very frustrating, but I am always so happy and relieved when all work is finished and he's still standing, the house is not on fire, he is smiling his little boy smile, and I have to admit he was right and it was all ok (well, until the next time I freak out about anything electric!) Your writing about all the emotions that are tapped and zapped is so very, very real and touched home with me and it looks like it touched home with all of your readers as well. You are such an incredible writer - we always 'feel' right along with you because you express yourself so truthfully - never quit doing that! I, like others, am always very excited to see your post in my inbox, and sometimes I even wait to read, to savor it at a special time, when I can savor each word you write! Thank you for all you give! Time to go to sleep, perhaps to dream of wildflowers!

> = broutilles!

Kristen, keep writing. People say hurtful things when the details of their own lives are not good. People uncomfortable with talk of alcoholism(it runs in my family) or twitching you about how secure you are with your husband have issues of their own to solve. Do not let it affect what you do, which is paint a picture of your life in a most interesting part of France about a family with whom we can all identify. I really and truly love reading your pieces-continuez-s'il vous plait!

GOOD MORNING SARGAM -

ONCE AGAIN YOU HAVE SLITHERED INTO OUR LIVES...

NOTHING LIKE FINDING A FOX IN THE HEN HOUSE THIS BEAUTIFUL SATURDAY MORNING.

YOU HAVEN'T BEEN AROUND LONG ENOUGH TO REALIZE THAT I ACTUALLY HAVE A POSSE TO BACK ME UP.

I'M OFF TO FIND MY SHOTGUN - YOUR DAYS ARE NUMBERED.

JULES

Hi Kristin, Your writing is wonderful and every day as I read your blog I thank Jules for introducing us. You have a wonderful sense of humor and are very human, loving, and real.

I have not alluded to this before, but will speak up in your defense now that there some dissension among your readers. I, at the age forty-nine was hospitalized for a severe eating disorder. It was a facility that also treated people with drug and alcohol addictions. We basically were all alike...addictions all have similar roots and causes. My disorder began as a young child. I went through bulimia for the majority of my life and then became anorexic/bulimic a couple of years before my hospitalization.

Thirteen years later I still battle demons, emotional upsets that can send me to a dark place. I like you, have a wonderful sunny outside but internalize much of my feelings.

Unfortunately, the one thing that people don't realize, and are uncomfortable with, is that addiction in all its forms is all around them. They often turn a blind eye rather than deal with reality. In you case, it is a part of who you are and you are doing a great service to those around you and your readers by sharing your honesty,your humor, and the reality of your life. Its not Camelot.

Keep up the GREAT work! I so enjoy your total your perspective and your life in France.

BJ

I must tell you, I love you...for all the right reasons and regardless of how this may sound ridiculous to others.
God bless and keep you and may He keep guiding you as you listen to Him.

I discovered a long time ago that if you look beneath the outer layer of anger, you will always find fear.....fear of loss, fear of inadequacy, fear of failure, etc. The underlying emotion at the base of this anger/fear is true love. Kristi, enjoy your mom's visit and forget about everything but happiness and the love of family! (Jules, go out there and kick some butt!)