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Se rendre compte & We can be heros, just for one day

Tribute
The sunflower that bloomed here in January. Today it reminds me of a search light, combing the sky above, looking for a starman....

TODAY'S WORD: se rendre compte

    : to realize

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J’ai toujours pensé que j’étais un artiste intellectuel, je me rends compte aujourd’hui que, la moitié du temps, je n’ai aucune idée de ce que je suis en train de faire. Et plus je vieillis, moins je réfléchis à  ce que je fais. 

I'm terribly intuitive—I always thought I was intellectual about what I do, but I've come to the realisation that I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing half the time.  And the older I get, the less I think about what I am doing. -David Bowie. 


A DAY IN A FRENCH LIFE

What More Can An Artist Strive For?

by Kristin Espinasse

The best tribute one can give David Bowie is to continue on with their art or their art de vivre. For me, this means continuing to write today, whether the words come easily or not.

This morning I woke up thinking about the reader who shamed my dog and me, and about what kind of response I could give him. Sarcasm popped up as one in a million possibilities, until I remembered the words of Glennys.

I met Glennys in my first writing support group, found by chance after signing up for the internet in the late 90s.  The group was called BIC HOK TAM, which stood for:

Butt In Chair
    Hands on Keyboard
        Typing Away Madly

The name of the group was beside the point. Mostly, the writers chatted. One day, I delurked and joined in! After several weeks I got to know their personalities, and was surprised to learn they'd already pieced together mine....

One day someone said something, I can't remember what, and I sat behind my screen, trying to come up with a witty response. The subject was banal enough (so banal I cannot remember it), but, eager to write something writerly (whatever that meant), I painstakingly formulated my response (probably reading and rereading it 17 times before hitting "post", at which point my heart would have thumped until someone responded).

That's when Glennys from Scottland popped up. I will never forget what she said: "Kristi, sarcasm does not suit you."

But it sure suited Glennys! Oh, how I enjoyed her retorts! (And now I am reminded of what the original thread must have been: another of Glenny's sarcastic insights. I must have been inspired to respond in like.) 

Glenny's wouldn't have it. Instead, she took the opportunity to help me find my voice

Though I still may be influenced by others, such influences are at the risk of not ringing true to readers. Speaking of which... Did I tell you about the reader who shamed my dog? I still have not responded to his comment. I will try to now--by saying what comes to heart, in the next instant, while typing this essay....

    Dear (I can't remember your name), 

And that, it seems, is the end of my letter! The fact is, "a good comeback" is found nowhere in my writing repertoire. So I will use what tools I have acquired so far, the biggest of which, is this:

La sensibilité.

Which brings us back to David Bowie: more than having sensitivity, through his work--through who he was--he brought out sensitivity in others. What more can an artist strive for? 

This inspires a few more words for the man who shamed my dog: 

Dear (I can't remember your name),

I sincerely do not mean any disrespect by addressing you in this way. The fact is, I cannot remember your name. Mysteriously, I can remember the name of the person who commented after you.

I'm signing off, now, to wonder why....



Amicalement,

Kristi 

My-hero
                      We can be heros, just for one day. -David Bowie

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Comments

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Jens from Copenhagen

Dear Kristi,

I don't understand at all why anyone would consider shaming your sweet Smokey - even on a bad day! Why....?

Tell him he's not forced to read FWAD.

Greetings from a cold, but sunny Copenhagen.

Audrey Wilson

The sunflower shows how nature can be beautiful even as its flowering finishes.
I don't know who it was who shamed Smokey . A misery no doubt . We all love dear Smokey & long may he feature in your photos
Audrey x

joie

One word: Brilliant!

Lisa Kiely

wait...what??? One of your readers shamed Smokey??? I missed this comment. For the love, what is wrong with him??? I'm sensing he has more going on than just posting negative comments. Sarcasm is in my repertoire...let me at 'im!!

Kristin Espinasse

OK!  Lets use your repertoire =-)

Kristin Espinasse

I dont  either, Jens.

Kristin Espinasse

Audrey,  Love what you say about the Sunflower,  and about Smokey,  too.

Kristin Espinasse

Un mot: Merci!

Pati Aine

Kristi,

No need to reply to the person who "shamed" you and Smokey.

Those who feel the need to shame others, have already shamed themselves.

Patty Cargill

There is no 'splaining the active participation of doofuses, enrobed in their mean pettiness, who blather away on open forums like yours. Fortunately, like shooting stars, they blaze out in the twinkle of an eye (no disrespect to les étoiles!) while the beautiful open hearts buzz in and find lovely commom ground. I always snort and stomp and see red when some errant doofus posts here, but try to hold back my screeching " HOW DARE YOU! foul dog?!" response. Your many followers feel quite protective of you, and while I know the best course is to ignore doofus drivel, it's just so hard!! Ok, I think I made my tiny point, and worked in three solid references to "doofus," a useful word for me today. Or have I turned into one?! Ha, ha! Love you, Kristi!

Tish

Kristi,

I, too, must have missed the poster who shamed Smokey. That poster must not have a life.

Smokey is wonderful, sweet, loving, gentle, and the list goes on and on and is greatly loved.

The photo of the sunflower brightens my day!

Heather from Australia

Kristi, just ignore the ignorant comments that you feel have shamed you and our adorable Smokey. The person who made that comment has a mean spirit and is not worthy
Of your attention.
Keep on with your delightful posts and stunning photography.

Cynthia Gillespie-Smith

Kristi, I must have missed that comment too, but as others have said, only an angry, unhappy "doofus" -- love that one, Patty -- would say unkind things about our Smokey. Doofus probably isn't lucky enough to have a loving dog. And why should he be? You know what a mother dog does to a naughty puppy? She just walks away and ignores him -- often the best treatment. Keep brightening our days ma belle amie.

Katia

Kristi, thank you for sharing those words from David Bowie, and the photo of the gorgeous sunny sunflower in its mature glory. Your reply to Nobody is perfect. His/her opinion shouldn't and doesn't matter. I love the photo of you cuddling with dear Smokey and the serene smile on your face.

Herm iin Phoenix,AZ

Salut Kristin,

The Arizona cowgirl response that you've used in past is an viable option, but may be overkill for "noname"

Herm

Leslie NYC

Indifference is the best revenge. That you can't remember the poster's name is perfect! Happiness and love are great, too, and I see so much of both in the photo of you and Smokey. No one can touch that!

Heather in Arles

Perfectly said. I feel utter confusion and sadness for anyone who could even think of shaming either Kristi or beautiful Mr. Smokey, both of whom bring so much happiness to so many around the world.

I can think of many times when I was having a bad day and a picture of them together (or just Smokey being Smokey) would bring a smile to my face.

Bisous to you Kristi! And Scratchies to Mr. Smoke-ah-doke-artichoke!

karen wilson

I missed that comment too, but as others have said, just ignore that kind of thing and save your energy for your insightful writing and wonderful photography and being a lovely mum and wife and beautiful owner of a precious dog. Thanks so much again for all your great posts and the photos which are so inspiring. Can I say again, you are like Bonnard with a camera, with your subject matter of family, garden, dogs, bowls of fruit etc. It is a privilege to enjoy them. xxx

tram

I love pictures of you and your dog, Smokey! Keep them coming, please!

CFrance

Who in the WORLD could shame a golden? Lemme at'im. Defenseless, beautiful, sweet dog. I love him more in each next picture.

Trina from St. Petersburg, FL USA

Yes, you bring us sunshine, flowers, puppies, the love of family, sensitive quotes ... all wrapped up with insightful, and sometimes humorous, words.

I think the first line Dear (I don't remember your name) was a perfect retort.

And what a blessing to belong to a writing group that appreciates your voice and helps you find and keep it!

Mara

Amazing how many of us tuned that comment out! I'd like to think that I said to myself, "Well, somebody's having a crabby day!" and let it go. Probably most of your readers did the same, as one of the things you've taught us is to be gentle and forgiving to others as well as ourselves.
Mara in snowy Wisconsin

Karen Cafarella

I have always wondered why anyone would say nasty things on your blog or for that matter on anyone's blog. Why, Why I wonder. Even if that person is having a bad day, does being mean make it any better. I think not. We will never know why people do the things they do.

xoxo

Marjie

Hi from Minnesota, Kristi!

This incident brought to mind an episode of This American Life I heard about trolls who enjoy making others miserable. Perhaps listening may give you some insight, maybe even solace - I hope. You are not alone: http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/545/if-you-dont-have-anything-nice-to-say-say-it-in-all-caps

My very best to you and to beautiful, wonderful Smokey. I hope that soon you won't even remember the insensitive internet jerk's words. :-)

susan Standke

Dogs, for the most part, give us unconditional love. Unconditiooal love is a gift......especially as life goes on and age creeps up. My lovely lab died a year ago, and she broke my heart......Lucy was amazing. Her side kick was my siamese cat, 16 years old, who keeps me company and reminds me of how unconditional love heals!!! It is sad that this person has not experienced the amazing love one gets from these amazing beings.

David Miller

Was there ever a more complete artiste than David Bowie, the world is a much sadder place without him. RIP Ziggy

Cyndie

I did read the comment and thought "What a jerk". And then out of curiosity I watched the video and thought "What a jerk". I know it's easier to give advice than to take it (and I am extremely thin skinned so this person's comment, no matter how unjustified, would bother me for a long time) but truly, ignore this cretin. I agree, indifference trumps retort.

Nyla Witmore

Writers are made, not born...and some of us are born to write...to turn a phrase....to analyze ad nauseum... to get the meaning just right. Famous authors, in interviews, often mention they write the book three times before the "leanness" of thought emerge as a polished piece. That is true of my experience as well. When a friend told me I could SIRI to dictate my emails and speed up the process...I wonder if that would also force me to be more succinct in my speecH. Hmmmmmmmmmmm.

Betty Gleason

Sarcasm, shaming, both are unkind, unloving and destructive to any relationship. That is why your response is perfect. If you can't say anything nice or constructive, don't say anything at all. Everyone has heard this, but it is so easily forgotten. You, better than most, know the power of your words. Hugs

judi dunn

... as for the man...'some things are best forgotten'! Judi Dunn, Tallahassee, Fl.

Irene Thomas

I used to belong to a group that read a small blue book, called One Day at a Time, and on page 114 is a sentence I will not forget. "Repugnant as it is in itself, sarcasm becomes even more distasteful when we find it comes from the Greek verb, 'sarcazo' which means "to tear flesh". That hit me like a sledgehammer and I remind myself of this often. (Todays photo is the most beautiful sunflower I've ever seen. thanks.)

Eileen

Hi Kristin,

I missed the comment shaming Smokey, but that shows you that I usually scan over the bad comments and just focus on the good and so should you! I think people are drawn to positive helpful comments. Don't worry about it! I love the sunflower photo! So cheerful and warm looking on this cold day!

Susan Souza

I like most of your other readers can not understand shaming anyone but Smokey really. I love your photos and as I have said before I live inFrance thru you . I love your blog!

Diane Fujimoto

Kristi, You're taking the high road, as they say. Whatever that one comment was about Smokey, it came from a sad place- and not your place, so don't claim it.
I am always inspired by your posts and so often you have tapped into something I am feeling as well-only you are able to put it into words. THank you.
And thanks for the beautiful sunflower- do you mind if I paint a watercolor from it? One of my favorite subjects and haven't painted one this year.

Sally

You are so sweet. In my eyes (or is it my mind??) you write beautifully. I enjoy your postings so much

Jo-Ann Taylor

Your baking video, with Smokey in it, really brought to life for me your life in France in a way that the printed page just could not do. It also moved me to finally bake the yoghurt cake that I had read about on one of your previous blogs. The whole thing was a delightful experience: getting a further glimpse into your charming, dog-filled life, and baking and tasting the lovely cake. My family was happy, too!

I hope you and Smokey make more videos!

Kathleen from Connecticut

If someone wants to shame a dog, in this case , Smokey, then they just shouldn't be reading your blog. Some people are just nasty and love to rag on people and animals.
We love Smokey and you, so try to forget the guy.
Boy, with the sunflowers in January and all of the other vegetation which is coming to life in in St Cyr, wish I was there instead in Connecticut where the temp is 28F.

Sheryl in Denver

I took great pleasure in responding to that jerk, telling him to go troll somewhere else. His condescending insults made me wonder if he had been listening to The Donald a bit too much? But even as I posted it, my heart raced, too. The internet has opened a door for people to be so insensitive in anonymous ways. It really brings out the nastiness in some people. And when I respond to that, I open myself up for more bullets coming my way. I have promised myself not to read the comments on most websites, they are too disturbing. This column should be safe from that, but alas, the trolls squeeze through the tiniest cracks and spew all over us. Listen to the loving people here and turn away from the ugly ones. And give that Smoke Bomb a huge hug and kiss. We love you both very much.

Kristin Espinasse

Please do paint it,  Diane!

Kristin Espinasse

Thank you,  Sheryl!

Kristin Espinasse

Thank you all so very much for your responses to this post. I am very touched by your support! Smokey is beside me, having turned in for the night. The sound of his snoring is one of my favorite things, and so are your comments!

Nancy

Well, it is very clear how your readers feel about you and Mr. Smokey -oh - ke - doke - artichoke!!!! I love that name for him. He is so sweet and anyone who even thinks about shaming those who give unconditional love to we humans is a jerk. Give that beautiful Golden a hug for me and an extra tug on his ears from Yogi and Goldie. Humans are imperfect and we need each other to remind us how to better behave. Let's hope the Jerk is reading today.

Julie Farrar

I somehow missed the comment about Smokey as well. But I don't care about what he said any more than you care about remembering his name. I don't understand why anyone says something just to be mean (and anonymous). Serious critique is one thing; trolling is another. You and that handsome golden stay just how you are. And I bet that troll has never once been a hero to anyone -- not even for an hour.

Nancy

PS I love the sunflower!!

Jeanne

Why or what could anyone say against your dog? Makes no sense.

joy wood

KRISTIN, KRISTIN. YOU REMIND ME SO MUCH, OF MYSELF WHEN I WAS YOUNG. I WORE MY HEART ON MY SLEEVE, I WOULD CRY A LOT, EVERY LITTLE THING BOTHERED ME ETC. LET ME TELL YOU. I AM 84 AND LIFE IS FABUFUL. I CAN WALK INTO A ROOM AND NOT GIVE A **** WHAT ANYONE THINKS ABOUT ME. I HAVE SO MANY FRIENDS, I HAVE TO BEAT THEM OFF WITH A STICK. NOT SO, IN THE " OLDEN" DAYS. I DO NOT CRY ANYMORE. I AM HAPPY AND NO ONE CAN TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME. I CAN TELL, YOU FEEL SO DEEPLY, YOU ARE EASILY HURT. I CAN'T IMAGINE WHY? I THINK WHEN YOU HAVE A FEW MORE YEARS, UNDER YOUR BELT, THINGS WILL SMOOTH OUT. YOU ARE PRECIOUS AND DARLING AND I LOVE YOU. AND SO DO THE MINIONS WHO READ YOUR COLUMN. SOOOOOO PRETTY, WITH THE HANDSOME HUSBAND AND PERFECT CHILDREN. YOU ARE SO LOVABLE, I THINK YOUR VULNERABILITY MAKES YOU SO, BUT YOU NEED TO " TOUGHEN UP". I LOVED ALL THE BLOGS TAKING UP FOR YOUR BELOVED DOG. WHY WOULD ANYONE SAY ANYTHING AGAINST A PRECIOUS PET? THERE ARE JUST A FEW CREEPS IN THIS WORLD, IGNORE THEM AND STEP OVER THEM IN THE GUTTER WHERE THEY LIVE. LIFE IS GOOD AND PEOPLE ARE MOSTLY,,, THE SAME. FRIENDS, JOY WOOD

Natalia

Our dear Kristi,
If the picture of a beautiful sunflower reminds you of a searchlight,then please know that your gifted words and posts are so many times just exactly that for us,your fortunate readers,each of us on our own life paths,searching for the answers to questions we need to solve.
Your reply to Mr No Name was totally perfect;what a rude individual who really deserved none.
Dog (any animal) shamers seem to me to be on a potential path to animal abusers.(needless to say,they have a special place in hell).A report I recently read also drew a valid correlation between people who began as animal abusers and then progressed into people abusers.
Horrible!
I am too old to truly feel the magic of David Bowie.
But one thing for sure:I'd love to be a hero for a day... wow!make that for even 60 seconds!
Love
Natalia XO
What a frightening thought.

Natalia

PS Please disregard that last line! It seemed to vanish into thin air after I wrote it and now I know where it went!!!!!

Alisa

To put my stamp on all of the above messages, too-- I am more of a cat person myself, but Smokey (and his dear mum, also) are two dogs I have fallen absolutely in love with, even though having never met them in person! I am appalled that someone would shame Sweet Smokes, or you-- beautiful, talented, genuine, caring, affectionate, generous Kristin. I hope that his message has been deleted! As well it should have been!! There is no room on a genuinely open blog such as this for that kind of negativity! We are here to support one another, and that.is.it! So there!

Love ya, hon...
Just keep being YOU,
(and tell Smokey the same when he awakens!)
~Alisa

Kitty Wilson-Pote

Kristi, I share these heartfelt supportive responses from the rest of the FanFamily. May their healing words help much as you seek to release that colossal eejit`s ignorant cruelty. How easily we HSP`s can fall prey to the viciousness of others, even strangers who sense our vulnerability.
Pity and prayer for toxic people help victims to detach. 'Leave them to Heaven,' as the saying goes. Ignore them utterly, if possible. Ruminating around our lingering resentment is said to be "like taking poison and wishing your enemy would die."
As a hypersensitive 12 Stepper, I confront my resentful feelings often. Bit by bit, I am learning that self-compassion and acceptance help me to blow off deliberate and inadvertent assaults on me and mine from others. Great when a bitter wound, like the rage I feel, goes POUFF! as a result.
May this burr in your fine good heart wither and fall away forever. We LOVE you, and are so endlessly grateful for you openness and eloquence. You are a treasure.

Diane Young

As you can tell, most of us have forgotten what the jerk said and I think it's the best way to handle him. Simply oubliez lui or n'y pensez plus.. You and your precious Smokey brighten our world. 'Nuff said.

Sheila

Who would shame a dog? That is just crazy...well, maybe one who has just bitten someone or peed on the carpet..ha!
Smokey is so cute and funny and lovable. This person obviously has not followed The Smoke through the years and doesn't know him like we do!
He's made me smile so many times. I just love him.
Sheila

Pat

I really LIKE this response! Kristi, You are sweet and lovely and remarkably open with your thoughts on life and love and all things good, beautiful and painful. I, too, won't usually read responses to blogs because social media can be cruel and thoughtless. However, I love that your supporters have your back. Keep up the good work - and good words.

Deborah

Kristi, since your column is not required reading and your following friends have to sign up to receive it, I'm dumbfounded that a person who does not love you/your family/your musings on FRENCH life and Smokey would be attracted to your column or sign up to follow you. He is the exception that proves the rule: you attract followers who share your positive outlook and energy. I feel sad for people who don't know how to meet loving kindness with loving kindness. Warm regards, Deborah

Valerie T Diaz

Way back when I worked for London Records in NY and helped promote David Bowie he was on Parrot label I sent his 45's to all the radio stations with my write up of his bio, he was just a school boy at that time

Leslie in Oregon

I do not know what the person who tried to shame you and Smokey said, but it pains my heart just to know that someone tried to do that and hurt you. You and Smokey are both magnificent, and together you bring joy to your readers with every story and photograph. Much love to each and both of you, Leslie

Chris Allin

Dear Kristi,

About the man who shamed you and Smokey....a response? He's not worth it. My guess is most people and dogs don't like him very much anyway.

Some of the topics you address can reach deep down inside your readers and touch tender emotional thoughts or...nerves. Then comes the thoughtful contemplation evoked by your words. For some it may be painful, hence the striking out and critical comments. Fortunately such comments are few and far between, but when they do come I am sure they sting. But not forever, I hope.

Our dogs enrich our lives. They can offer unconditional love and need to be treated with love and respect. Not all people understand or appreciate our canine companions. Oh how fortunate are we who do. They can bring us absolute joy!

So thank you for what you offer and where you take us...in a myriad of different directions.
How healing are the words from all your readers...


Jacqueline

Amen to all the comments above.

That love and compassion far outweigh the negative comment of a lost soul who didn't know he "missed a chance to keep quiet".

Les paroles s'envolent mais les écrits restent....
Although that may no longer be true as you have the power to delete cruel comments... If you wish to. :)

Just a little typo: "heroes". (A Bowie song I believe).

Coincidentally, I have been photographing my "less-than-perfect" sunflowers when they look 'frazzled"...
Sunflowers love across ze WOOOOORLD!!!
Jacq - Brisbane (Summer 32Celsius)

Chris Allin

P. S. And the beautiful sunflower...our beloved
state flower. If only ours bloomed in January!
(Who am I kidding? They don't even grow here in
January. 😕)

Kathleene

The spirit of David Bowie will continue to inspire all true originals, whether they be writers, painters, musicians....

As for Mr. Nobody:

Dogs love unconditionally as does God. It's not a coincidence that Dog spelled backwards is God. I feel sorry for you, Mr. Nobody.

Kristin Espinasse

JOY, I LOVE YOUR COMMENTS. DONT WORRY. IM TOUGH. AND SENSITIVE. BUT TOUGH. 💛💛💛

Kristin Espinasse

Chère Natalia,  you have been my hero here in the comments box on more than one occasion,  and you dont even know it. 💛

Kristin Espinasse

Thanks,  Deborah. I went to my list server and looked up his email address. It was nowhere to be found. Either he reads this blog via an rss feed,  or he is a troll.

Kristin Espinasse

Love it! Thanks Valerie.

Kristin Espinasse

Many thanks for the correction. Always helpful!

Kristin Espinasse

So helpful to read your thoughts about why people lash out. And thanks for the giggle re sunflowers chez toi!

Marina Garcia

Well said. No response is sometimes better. We have to live with a lot of idiots. My mother used to say: " mejor un loco y no dos" translation... better there be 1 crazy/fool then 2.

Love you, Marina

Fred

Capricious, captivating, astute, and thought provoking --
Much love and gratitude, Fred

Fred

The photo clearly shows the special relationship between a two beautiful,loving creatures, a bond similar to that between my loving wife and our (really her) cat, Finney. A joy to behold!

Eileen Brat

Silence speaks louder than words when you really want to speak your mind!
He obviously has no appreciation for the deep things of the heart.
You are loved :)

Patricia Flynn

How sad is the life of someone who wants to go out of his way to be publicly mean.

Susan Kissel

I missed the post or maybe you talk it down as you should. I won't ask that you repeat it. The less publicity for that person the better. We love our animals and have endured some harshness too.

Engela

Love your brilliant response letter to the dog shamer. Then there is the matter of Bowie; musical genius and certainly love his 'Hero' song - for more than one day!

Evelyne Pouinard

Hi Kristi!
Your blog is an absolute delight. I have enjoyed it for years & live a bit vicariously from them. You see my family is French but immigrated to New Orleans where I was born. I always wished my mom could have kept their home in Nice. My grand-père had a small vineyard there . And you have the kind of life I can happily romanticize about!
Your loving personality shines through in your postings. These trolls prey on persons like yourself because they have a pathological need to exert power over others by belittling because they really feel inadequate about themselves with poor self worth. They can act out in the anonymity the Internet provides like all the other perverts. Don't be upset. Understand you are dealing with a mental misfit. Ignore those cowards & realize you are the better person.
Besides anyone who has an issue with a pet,well that's diagnostic as well!

Janine Burge

Dear Kristin,
I really loved Joy Wood's comment. I hope you (or she) doesn't mind if I borrow it. My personality is a lot like yours. In time, we will care less about what other's think, while practicing self care more. I believe it takes time.
In our family, we have 5 cats and my husband and I adore them, especially when Mason, who is my study buddy sits long hours with me at my computer, while I do my homework. However, my daughters don't think this is so great and don't invite their friends over much. So, I wind up having a house full of cats, instead of a house full of teenage girls. Hmm.

Janine

includes a class at school. Even though I want to be more like Joy now, the class has taught me that in aging personality does adjust and

Delilah

Loved the post and the Sunflower. I think I will paint it if you do not mind.I have a love for sunflowers.

Krinkly

Kristi, My dear computer friend, Thank you for writing every day. I get a lift everytime I read your words in French and am able to understand them. For the short time it takes for me to read your notes, I am transported to France. Thank you, Krinkly

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