FRENCH WORD-A-DAY

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Jean-Marc

You have chosen what you want to do and what you were meant to do - a rare combination.

From planting vines to a family, you get to create and nurture and teach, all while learning.

My best wishes to you and yours.

Medication is a good thing to explore; for me it really helps to stay busy because the distraction smooths things out. Mais je vous souhaite un bon rétablissement!

Dear Kristin ,I am so saddened to hear of Jean- Marcs battle with depression. It does not matter how much you have to be grateful for, sometimes it doesn,t help .The depression can creep over you ,its beyond your control .A Dr could run run some tests including blood tests. I have great faith in Naturopaths.I send you and Jean Marc a big hug from Australia, Bonne Chance , Carole Fitzgerald. xxx

Depression Lies. It takes time and lots of strength to understand that when you are facing it down in the moment- I have found another blogger a true treasure when depression comes in to kick me - http://thebloggess.com/?s=depression+lies. Take care of yourself and let your family take care of you too.

Psalm 27:13
"I would have despaired if I had not believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living."

A neutral ear--not in the middle of the family circle--can be helpful. Meds combined with talking to a therapist could help, too. I personally, need time away from routines to reinvigorate my positive feelings. Prayers for you both.

Simplistic yes, but when I am struggling, I watch one of two videos on YouTube. There is a video of a group of dogs at the beach by Catmantoo. It is edited to Pharrell Williams' song "Happy" and it always makes me smile. And, there is a video, titled "Gratitude", that is part of a TedX talk by videographer Louis Schwartzberg. It always, always, always restores my balance. Thoughts, prayers to you and yours.

Dear Jean-Marc,

I am praying for you. I struggle with depression and know it has no schedule and can be mean. I am grateful for how transparent you and your dear wife are. I know it is not easy to be comforted during these times and remind myself that Jesus' hand is always there and waiting. Hold on to it and look into His eyes. He loves you.

Suzanne Michaels

Dear Kristin: Depression is a serious and potentially dangerous illness. Your husband needs professional therapy and potential medication. As much as you love him, you lack the objectivity (as any loving spouse would lack objectivity about the one they love) and professional training to get at the core of his illness. I understand there is reluctance among Mediterranean men to accept the notion of counseling, but you and others who support him should try and talk him into getting the help he needs.
I struggled with depression after the death of my first wife, but came through with the help of a grief counselor and a prescription of a mild antidepressant.

We are such fragile beings - the human condition. Sometimes life bowls us over with the immenseness of it all. You just have to hold on and remind yourself that this too shall pass. Take one day/hour/moment at a time. The yin & yang of life is such that great joy exists side-by-side with great sorrow.

Know that you are surrounded by love and that we care...

As a Christian, I find my comfort in the Word of God. The Bible tells us to think on good things, but we are mere flesh and depression makes it very difficult to put aside those negative things that pull us down. I will pray that Jean Marc is able to overcome this current stage of depression (this, too, shall pass) and agree with many of your other friends that have suggested therapeutic intervention and possible medication. Kittens and puppies and other babies are often helpful as well. Smiles and love from Oregon.

Jean-Marc: Hang in there. I have recently been diagnosed as having similar problems. Humans are a very adaptive lot. Two suggestions are paramount: You have a great advocate in Kristi and nurture that wonderful better half. Secondly, stay close and work with medical professionals. Kristi will probably be a necessary filter for you. I don't know either you or Kristi but from what I read about you two - I enjoy who you are and what you do. Best wishes. Jerry.

Dear friend, Kristin, Amazing, isn't it, that so many of us are familiar with the awful burden of depression. I strongly agree with those comments suggesting blood testing and medication. This is a chemical imbalance and cannot be eliminated until the body has been 'reset' so to speak. I agree that a Naturopath or Wellness Dr. can offer the best solutions with natural supplements. I have had success with combinations of Dopamine, Sam-E and others. I have had lots of experience with anti-depressants and find there are a variety of ways to deal with this. Also, some of my problems had been amplified by food allergies and gut health (where dopamine and feel good stuff is generated). Blood testing should help.

All this aside, I will pray for Jean-Marc and you. Hopefully, he is not feeling he needs to 'tough it out'....

Sending a long, warm hug from North Carolina. Thanks to Kristi's open heart, you both have a world full of friends who care about you and love you. Hold on to each other, and seek the help you need. There is light at the other end.

Depression is real. It is as real as any condition of the body. The mind is filed by the physical body. It is difficult when others cannot see that it is a real condition, not a mood that can be switched on and off at will. When I married, I was introduced to two family members who I characterized as lazy and unwilling to create their own happiness. How stupid I was. They had no more power to pull themselves up, alone and unaided, than they could have willed a badly broken bone to be fixed by willing it so, or to cure a cancer by sheer will. In my limited experience-- I am not a health professional-- a combination of talk therapy and pharmaceuticals that restore a possible chemical imbalance in the brain are often needed. It is a treatable condition which seems to run in families. Admitting that it is present is step one, and you are past that. I wish him restored health. From your writings, he is a very good man.

I agree with Cindy on both points, however the best thing I have done for myself in the last few years is taking time for yoga. Learning how to breathe, assess, and calm oneself is a gift. Going once a week to a slow, challenging and introspective class, has helped me more than even the above. It is all part of smoothing out the terrain to avoid the deep valleys...

There is no shame in having an illness.

Best to you all.

Jean Marc, you are loved. By Kristin, by your beautiful children ........and by a host of complete strangers including myself, who because of your generosity, have the privilege of a little window into your life.
Thinking of you all.
Patrine
xxxx

Depression isn't something you "get over" like a cold. I have had several friends who have suffered from depression, 3 of them committed suicide. My Mediterranean family does not seek out counseling and that has been ingrained in me. I do now believe that counseling can be helpful, along with meds, under the supervision of a doctor/therapist. You can't make somone get help. You can be there for them, offering your love and support. The person himself/herself has to make the decision to move on either alone and/or with help that can be medical, spiritual, or whatever that person chooses.

Thank you. It is a gift to us that you shared that .

Prayers from Florida for both of you facing this mysterious and daunting illness. I hope the dark cloud lifts soon and the light returns.

One of the blessings of Jean Marc's depression, (and yes I find blessings in my sorrows), is the beautiful responses filled with compassion and understanding I've been reading this morning. We discovered the cause of my deep depression was hypothyroidism. It took 9 months to get it regulated with medication for the condition but I have.been fine ever since. I will be praying for you both. Try to keep it one day at a time. Maryellen 💞

Sending love, prayers and support ❤️

Dear Kristin. We had to leave France because of my husbands depression. You know how superior French health care is but my husbands French and our insurance wasn't up to therapy tho we tried. Four years later he is not much better. He has had electro convulsive shock therapy and talk therapies and medicaments and hospitalization. He says have jean mark get an fmri which he can't get here but should be available to you. Whatever you do, as you know, don't make light of it or expect it to cure itself. He needs lots of help. Our docs ( west of Toulouse) were right up to speed so I'm sure yours are too. Somehow let us know how you're doing and if we can help. A friend of ours was put in the hospital in perigueux and is now perfectly fine but it took some time

Bissous

In 2001 I was a Boston based flight attendant with American Airlines. The plane that hit the Trade Center was AA #11. I knew all the flight attendants and the pilots on that flight and I had worked that trip many, many times. Many of us suffered post traumatic stress and depression after the events of September 11th. One does not have to live with PTSD or depression for a lifetime. I take a small does of Celexa every morning and it has helped me tremendously. I suggest that Jean Marc have a complete blood workup to rule out any physical disorders and then find a drug that works for him with the depression. It may take trying different ones to find the one that helps him. He does not have to suffer a lifetime!
Susan

My older brother once had a guru in NYC. Muni Shree Chitrabhanu is a Jain. He spoke about hardships.
I am paraphrasing....
I do not pray to be spared from hardships. Rather, I pray to have the courage to meet each new hardship; my soul is like a piece of clay that the potter subjects to the high temperatures of the kiln to make it strong.

I hope this helps. I pray for Jean Marc that he find the strength to meet his challenges, however he defines them at this time.

Martha

Kristi and Jean-Marc,
You are loved and not alone in this difficult illness.
I wish that I was there to give you a big hug.
I will be praying for both of you.

My daughter is 45 and she has suffered from depression since she was in her early 20s. I have no solution, and neither does she. Just know that you and he did not cause this and you cannot cure it. Therapy and medication have helped her, but she is not "cured."

Your love and support are very important, and I know that you'll always be there for him.

Jean-Marc -

Whether you end up trying SSRIs or another form of treatment, please do something. I have been down that same dark road as well. At one point drugs helped immensely, but the side effects can be bad. Eventually I got off all that stuff and am now much better. I don't know if they helped "reset" my brain or what, but understand that there is help of all sorts (as noted by many kind posters above...) available.

My thoughts are with you and Kristi....

I don't have any direct experience to share (lucky me), but Sarah and I send our very best wishes for a quick recovery, Jean-Marc.

You are not alone. We hold your hand in this part of your journey.Wrap your arms around another living creature, be it your wife, your child or your pup and breathe in the loving energy that is life. Courage to you. With loving kindness, Adrienne

So sorry, Kristi.......those photos of you show the darlingest, most adorable couple!!
Try and get your Jean Marc to do a systemic family therapy à la Hellinger......it is most effective. I and my husband have done several sessions and it is an amazingly powerful tool. Successful results. It is particularly good for depression.......Read up on it......it's far quicker than a gazillion sessions on the couch......and it gets to the root of the problem fast.....
I can vouch for it personally.....
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Family_Constellations

It gets better eventually, as Jean-Marc knows. The important thing is not to allow it to spiral out of control. It seems to compound if untreated. I hope you and Jean-Marc will make time for yourselves and relax. I've read your blog for 10 years. Is that possible? 10 years! You inspire me with your writing and for the love you express for your family. Thank you. Keep your chin up and know we readers love you and are praying for you.

I totally understand this special kind of pain. A new way to possibly look at this is to do some reasearch (Google) BRAIN GUT CONNECTION. There is a real coorlation between gut health and depression. Also in the same vane brain INFLAMMATION and depression. Hope this offers some hope and help. I have follwed a special diet and it has been life changing. Bonne chance et bissous

Here are all my best resources regarding depression (and I am not a doctor or therapist, just someone who cares and believes in the power of words and communication):

The book JOURNEY OF SOULS by Michael Newton, Ph.D.

The description of depression in the book GLOSSARY OF QUANTUMPATHIC TERMS by Sherry Anshara:
"An emotion that is the deepest disappointment in one's own self. While events leading to depression become particles of experience stored in the soul by the body, they may be changed and healed through energy. Drugs mask or minimize depression but only conscious energy can transform it by finding and igniting the 'ability' within this 'disability."

www.acestudy.org

Chère Kristin,
Thank you so much for your prayers on behalf of my family when my husband was ill. Please know that prayers are being sent your way. Psaume 121:1 est un vers favori, c'est peut-être pourquoi j'habite si près des montagnes - je peux voir chaque jour la majesté de Dieu.

odb.org /ministeresnpq.org est un website qui vient chez moi chaque matin. Lisant ces méditations me fait penser aux vers de psaume 1:1-2 - the words center me in the midst of daily life.
Much love and prayers to your family.

Pray and get help. Sometimes its chemical and meds are needed to correct. I know. Been there, did that and back again.
Sincerely,
Susan
PS-so sorry--it's very hard on our spouses who care so much and makes us feel even more guilty for hurting them and our pets and kids with mood swings.

I have glance at the above comments and suggestions but I believe in diet we have had a similar situation and I found two very helpful sites on the net. Firstly ' wellnessmama ' and secondly ' culturefoodlife ' both are inspiring and you have nothing to lose. I believe that our bodies lack mother earth's minerals everything is in our own surrounding and garden for healing, quite times love and gentleness slow things down a little. You have been such an inspiration , jean-marc and your adorable family I know that we are all praying for you. Elizabeth

I just finished a book about meditation and it addresses depression and the benefits of meditation in one of the chapters. It's a quick read called "Start Here Now" by Susan Piver and might be of help. Thinking about you and Jean-Marc.

keep busy.....very, very busy....all the time, commit yourself seriously with lots and lots of different things
time passes, you'll see after a period that le noir has gone, aussi.god bless you.

Write it out. I've also had periods of depression throughout my life due to several factors, the most significant of which was after my husband was jailed in Iran many years ago. There is a book, Expressive Writing, Words That Heal, by James Pennebaker, that's helped me a lot. Therapy is always good, exercise, and sometimes medication. However, writing the story of sad can be therapeutic. If Jean-Marc isn't even a writer, I'd suggest at least trying some of the very simple exercises, then throw them away. They can begin a slow release.

We are all of us subject to the whims of our own brain soup. Some days the recipe is perfect and we feel great. Other days important ingredients just aren't there and the soup is awful. People can tell you to focus on the good things in your life, but it won't change the soup. Just like with the soup on your stove you have to eat it because it's all you've got and you're hungry. So most advice is basically useless and only makes the giver feel like they're doing something helpful.
There is one book I've read recently that might be interesting for you as well -"Hard Wiring Happiness."

Some can change the soup with Yoga and other physical activities. I'm a yoga teacher and many of my students find it helps them with depression. Other than that we all need love, acceptance and understanding. Sometimes that's easy to give, sometime not. Cut yourselves some slack and embrace the imperfections.

MARCH 31, 2012 BY PATHWRITER
those who’ve fallen through ~mark nepo
Lyn Hartley is an independent educator who lives in the wilds of the Yukon. She tells the story of two skiers crossing a frozen lake at night. Sliding through the snow with flashlights, they came upon a moose fallen through the ice. The enormous creature was stuck shoulder high. It was clear the moose couldn’t get out and they alone couldn’t pull it out. The temperature was dropping. So they stayed through the night and, though the moose resisted, they covered it with their tent; settling in to shine their small lights on its face and on the edges of broken ice, to keep the ice from freezing into shards that would cut the moose. In the morning, when the sun reappeared, they went for help. Together they roped the moose and slowly pulled it to the edge till it could find its own way out.

This is a powerful metaphor for how to listen to and be with those who have fallen through: stay close and keep them warm, resisting the urge to prematurely solve the situation. If nothing can be done, sit with them, resisting the urge to abandon those who seem stuck. Offer your tent and stay with them long enough till the way out presents itself, not forcing a rescue. How I need to hear this. For life is long enough that we will have our turn at falling through and being stuck, and at coming upon the fallen not knowing what to do.

I love how we root in the earth and sprout in the world. I love how I learn from others as we find our original face. I admit that I need everyone when I fall through. I confess that I need to hold nothing back when I come upon you struggling in the hole of your own making. How I need the skill of heart that lets love meet truth like small lights on ice. In the truth of each other, there is a way out.

~Mark Nepo, Three Intentions blog

Hi Kristin:
Mark Nepo has a book entitled “Awakening” which I bought through Amazon.com. If you cannot order from your home, I will be happy to order one and mail it to you. It is filled with wisdom, love, and understanding. Everyone has time of low energy and depression. It is just important to remember that it is not permanent and will pass just like other extreme emotions. Rest, hug each other, embrace the simple in life and depression will pass. It will pass. It will pass. It will pass. Tell Jean Marc to be kind to himself and embrace those who love him. Also, talk with a physician. Sometimes a short time with medication can ease the path. Let me know if you want me to mail this beautiful book to you. It would be my pleasure. It might be good to join Mark’s blog….Three Intentions blog. Encouragement when you need it.
Hugs and encouragement,
Cathi Hoffman

Winston Churchill suffered all his life from the 'black dog." No one knew that either....so he is not alone.

Medication and even exercise might help. A good long run.

Counting your blessings each and every day ....and you all have many....might bring him over to the sunny side.

Wish you all the best.

Hi Christie,
First thing is cardiovascular exercise, walks that get the heart rate up, you want to work up to an hour daily if that is not attainable now. Read Younger Next Year as the doctor explains that low level depression is a part of our seasonal evolutionary nature. Exercise kicks us out of our seasonal depression. And works on deeper depression too. Tell Jean-Marc that he is needed and loved by his family, friends, vines, wines and everyone who has met him, as we did at your domaine in September 2011. May the light come in soon.

Bruce, Procter, BC

It is kind of strange to read your post today, as I just wrote about my depression on my own blog (it is in german - sorry but if you are interested I can summerize it for you into English). I was so far down the last 2 weeks as I hadn't been for a long time. Although I was off my medication for about a year I started taking them again. Depressions aren't just hard to deal with for the one who has them but also for the ones around you. Something that does help me a little bit is knowing that the depression is just ONE side of me. So when I am in my dark hole I try to get get to the other sides of me that are there. It is like being locked in a dark room and not being able to find the key. Another thing my therapist recommended was tapping... I am not sure if that is the correct word in English but you tap certain points on your body to get the brain into a different mode.
I have slowly come out of my depression and being in Malta at the moment did help a lot. I hope your husband will get better soon.
Wishing you a lot of strength and hope,
Julia

I know people will roll their eyes when they read this post, but I swear to you it is true. Per my neurologist's and gastroenterologist's prescriptions, I went on a gluten-free diet to rid myself of migraines. It worked! However, to my great surprise and relief, it also rid me of my debilitating depression. That and daily walks have helped me more than any of the antidepressants I tried (I tried many--most of them gave me more headaches!).

I'm married to a Frenchman (from Brittany) so I can attest to how hard it is (le pain, le vin, et le Boursin! after all) but within a month of trying it, even he was convinced it was the right thing for me to do.

Best wishes to you...it's a long, lonely road, but eventually you will find the light at the end of the tunnel.

PS:

I might also add, in addition to the practice in Buddhism, that yes, medication and therapy are wonderful aides, for which I am most grateful, as well as for the dear friends described so well in the note above about the people under the tent with the moose. So beautifully expressed. My more banal way of putting that might have been something like, well, some days you're the dog, some days you're the tree. No, I didn't write that.... yes, I did... hope you got a chuckle.

Kristi n Jean Marc.
Just read your blog now in Melbourne while visiting from Dublin. The responses reflect the compassion of humanity that doesn't receive broadcast time. The awareness followed by medical and cognitive therapies are available. The stigma is being demolished worldwide and your openness is contributing to its demise. You are not alone and our sharing through blogs and fora is diminishing the isolation of sufferers and their families. Twenty five years ago I couldn't function as per my norm for a period but with awareness, consideration. Medication and CBT I adapted and functioned in good average fashion since and hopefully for years to come. A bientot cheres amis. (from mobile pls excuse typos)

Dear Jean-Marc,

I am sure you will receive many letters and I hope they will encourage you at a time of bleakness. I am a depressive, my mother was also, and my daughter struggles with it as well. It’s a genetic thing and has little to do with your ability to appreciate your many gifts in life. But there are ways of learning to cope….. About 24 years ago I had a complete breakdown with depression and anxiety (after suffering from depression on and off during my marriage) and spent two years in and out of mental hospitals from ages 45-47. I barely survived an attempt to end my life thru an overdose of medication. As a result of my hospitalizations, I have lived with bi-polars, multiple personalities and other depressives in several hospitals and gotten to study mental illness, my own and others’, up close and personal. (This is ironic, as I’d just gotten my Masters in Counseling before my breakdown, but I always tell people I got my Ph.D in Applied Suffering at Shepherd-Pratt Mental Hospital.)

There are no easy words of encouragement, as you know, when it comes to depression. But since I’ve walked that road, I think I’m in a good place to say a few things The good news is that for the last 24 years I’ve been free of clinical depression. I take my daily Prozac, have worked hard over the years to change some thought patterns that helped to do me in mentally, and have carved out a life as free from stress as humanly possible so that things don’t tip me over the edge.

These are a few of the things that I have learned over time (now 71 and happily retired): First, depression is a shame-based illness, and we want to isolate from the world to stew in our feelings of worthlessness. The fact that you allowed Kristi to share your depression is immensely healthy and bodes well for you. A large part of my recovery consisted of talking to people individually and publicly about my depression to reduce the shame attached. When people can open up about this, it starts to let the sunshine of healthy thinking and feeling arrive.
Second, I think the most important thing (beyond the right medication and professional treatment—if you’re lucky enuf to have that) is the support of people who love you. Having wanted to die for two years, I can say the turning point for me was seeing the unconditional support from friends and family who thought my life was worth living. In my blackness, I could not see that at all, but I learned to trust their judgment. It probably saved my life. But the irony of depression is that we tend to isolate and cut off support from others, so overcoming that tendency takes great will and strength at a time of terrible weakness. I know you have a great support system and I hope you’re leaning on it.

Third, I let the Earth help heal me, and I suspect you do the same. In my last hospital, I was allowed to walk the beautiful grounds, observe nature, collect raspberries, listen to music and sketch wildflowers beside a running stream. I give Mother Earth more credit than I do the doctors, and I saw that birth, growth and death are a natural part of things and that I am part of that process. She helped to heal me without saying a word, and working in my garden today reminds me of Her saving grace.

Finally, I had a dr. who told me that this depression had a beginning, a middle and will have an end, and somehow the word “end” kept me going until his words came true. I worked hard to defeat the internal voices that put myself down and learned to love myself for who I am, flaws and all. And I am deeply grateful for each day that I feel joy instead of despair. My wish for you is that you have the same blessings that were given me. I know all too well the paths you have walked, and I pray for you and everyone who suffers from depression.

Know that there are many of us out here cheering you on and knowing that better days lie ahead for you. In the meantime, never give up You are loved.

And a word for Kristi. Being the partner of someone who suffers from depression is almost as bad as having the illness yourself. The helplessness you feel of wanting to solve the problem for someone you love deeply and learning you can’t is one of life’s hardest lessons. (Ask my ex-husband….) Again, no easy answers here. But I know that Jean-Marc knows and appreciates your love even when he can’t be there in the way he’d like to be, and that you both have to lean on your faith in something greater during these times. Hang in there. I wish you both well.

Amicalement,
Adele Frances
Albuquerque, NM

PS. I am learning French but still a beginner. Someday perhaps I can write my sentiments in French, your beautiful language!