FRENCH WORD-A-DAY

As with all rules I must ask "why"? What is uncivilized about handing a salt shaker to another person? If I ask for the salt at a dinner table here in the US I am usually presented with both the salt and pepper shaker for some reason. Curious little customs we all have, I suppose. Nonetheless, thank you, Kristi, for your thoughtful, interesting and fun posts.

Ha! That means that JM never corrected you for all these years when you broke the rule. How nice! Or maybe he never knew the rule either?

This was often the topic of dinner-table discussions in college (the first opportunity most of us have to meet people from different parts of the country).

If someone asked me to pass the salt, invariably 1) I would pass the salt and pepper, and get chided for including the pepper, or 2) I would pass just the salt, and get chided for not including the pepper.

Huh? In the 10 years I lived in France, in the many summers with French families as a kid, with all my French friends in NYC, no one has said that. Zuts, alors! Well, maybe it's an ancienne coutume.. but really not practiced today? AND as for passing both P&S, hopefully the food is seasoned enuff, so no passing necessary but if asked I pass the one asked for, not both. If in a restaurant, server usually brings the peppermill.. rarely does one add salt. It is cautioned against here, food is salty emuff!

Just another peculiar je ne sais quoi of French table manners! Do I still have my order for 3 of JM's rosé? I'll email him just to confirm. Can't wait to finally meet in person on June 3!!! Quelle joie!

I lived in Aix many years ago, and although salt and pepper may have been on the table, I had been taught that to use either one was an insult to the cook, implying that the food had not been correctly seasoned.

I was taught very early in life that it was considered rude to reach across the table. We referred to that as "boarding house manners". Instead, you always passed ANYTHING around the table. We didn't necessarily put it down in front of the person next to us, but held it for them to pass around to the bext person until it reached the person who asked for it.

All the times we stayed with friends in France and dined in various households there was never any salt or pepper on the table! If there had been I probably would have broken the rule! :-)

It seems the height of bad manners to correct someone at the table for not knowing an obscure rule like this. I'd much rather see more of Ramatuelle. What a beautiful place!

Yes, I learned this rule at a young age growing up in S.A. I see more in the U.S. people passing S & P shakers "de la main à la main.

That is not 'starlight' but suppose to be straight across!!!! Sorry

I have always followed the salt rule, but not because I'm French. My grandmother, who came from Lithuania, taught us that passing salt from hand to hand brought bad luck!

Ditto Paris breakfast!!! The French have a reputation for being rude...and this is perfect example!

Our dear Kristi,
What a fun and interesting way to start off Memorial Day celebrations here in the US!
Thank you!
My grandmother always used a salt bowl(she called it a celler) with a tiny spoon
placed within reach of everyone at her round table;mama
always believed that the food should be seasoned properly
and not need adjusting.
Since I have high blood pressure I don't use salt anyway--probably an easy solution for me!
Bonne weekend!Very meaningful for those of us whose dads or relatives were at the D Day invasion in Normandy those many years ago.
Love
Natalia. xo

This is an interesting conversation. I can understand that with a salt cellar you could not place it easily into another's hand, therefore, you would have to place it on the table. Maybe that is where all of this started. I have a friend who salts every thing very generously when she eats at my house. I take affront because I think that I have seasoned my food appropriately. And she is runs a test kitchen to boot.
Have a great Memorial Day weekend and enjoy Monday off for those who have to work.

Kathleen

As do New Yorkers, but wouldn't you rather just decide for yourself rather than perpetuating a stereotype!!!
Usually I find that I am treated the way I treat others.

To me it can be viewed as a practical choice. I pass the requested salt/pepper to the person requesting it by placing it close by his/her plate. When he/she is ready to use it, it is within reach. No need to interrupt a bite or a sip to use it as soon as it is passed, but rather at one's earliest convenience!

Bonjour Kristi,

Unlike one of the commenters, I don’t take it as “rude” when a French person corrects me. I believe it is given in the spirit of helpfulness so that I will understand a custom or a pronunciation or fact. I’m also not insulted if someone salts the food I prepare (not that I prepare food any more); people’s sense of taste differs and they may even have a salt deficiency, driving their need. Better to under salt when you cook for a group, as over salting may not be taken back.

Amitiés, Lee

Me delete that extra comma

So if we're getting picky, if salt le SEL why isn't the salt cellar the SELiere?
I'm remembering my year in France (1971-72), with this Memorial Day weekend. Before coming home at the end of the school year, a friend and I took a hitchhiking trip to Normandy. We wanted to see the D-Day beaches, but a man giving us a ride said we also needed to see the American War Cemetery and offered to take us up there. It is such a reverent and peaceful site, and neither my friend nor I remembered that it was actually Memorial Day until we were there. I have been back there, and the Point du Hoc site, several times with students, and they are always appropriately moved.

Good to know, I will practice it now so I will do it right the next time I'm in France. I was wondering why too but I think the superstition thing makes sense.

Hi,

This is another similarity with Indian culture, but with a twist- in India, you should never hand a knife or a pair of scissors to anyone in their hand.

Similarly, they should be put down within reach of the person who needs them, but not in their hand, even if it's with the handle facing the person.

I really enjoy your blogs... and this is after 12 years in France :) Take care

An interesting discussion Kristi - table manners - a big subject! In England one would not pass anything to a neighbour's hand. The salad bowl, like the salt would be offered and placed within reach. One would not pass cutlery hand to hand either. BUT if a neighbour dropped a napkin (serviette in England!) a man would reach down for it and pass it discretely to her hand and NOT onto the table.
At a formal dinner the port is passed around the table AFTER dinner in a clockwise direction. At this point the women usually leave the men and head off to 'powder their noses'. This gives the men a chance to crack a joke or two. Port is NEVER served as an aperitif!
While I am on this subject I must mention iced water - ie with blocks of ice in it. This is normally NOT provided on an English table. Neither is it provided in France to the annoyance of Americans. One should bear in mind that iced water taken with rich or fatty foods is bad for health. Wine however is almost essential. Coronary diseases are less prevalent in France than the States though the French diet is equally rich in fats - think of all those slices of saucisson sec and foi gras. Great blog Kristi.

That link above may or may not work. I have not bought from this company, but their primer on salt is informative: https://www.seasalt.com/gourmet/gourmet-salt-guide/. How wonderful to have so many choices!

I was taught the same rule growing up in Pennsylvania in the USA. Isn't it the same principle as clerks not putting change in your hand in a French shop?

According to Miss Manners, when you are asked for the salt you pass both salt and pepper NOT hand to hand but by placing them on the table within their reach. Looks like we have always been doing it "the French Way"! C'est la vie.

KRisti,
I learned this rule as a child in the south, old wife's tale as it were. If you pass the salt hand to hand, you will no longer be friends.
Xoxo
Virginia