Bonne Année
Enchanté de vous rencontrer + rest in a teachable spirit

Les dents de bonheur - "Happiness Teeth" are part of this elogy

Dear Reader,

The regular edition of French Word-A-Day will return in a few days. Meantime, I've been trying to write a eulogy for my belle-mère without sounding too sentimental, too dramatic, or too poetic--but all of these things, from poesie to sentimentality, evoke the richness of Michele-France's life. This--and her humor, her stubbornness, and that charming gap between her front teeth (the French have a term for this: "happiness teeth" or les dents du bonheur)--only begin to paint of picture of our beloved, ginger-haired Pied-Noir (born in Meknes and proud of it. She was the daughter of an equally strong-willed mother).

Since losing Michèle-France on Christmas Eve, I have pinpointed just what it is that provokes each flood of tears, each hiccup of emotion, each groan in my throat as I toss in bed, walk past her apartment, or sit on a pew watching the curtains close in front of her flower-topped casket, as I did Thursday. It is the realization that there will be no more. No more "My darlings" (Ma chérie, she would say with such tenderness), no more visits to her little apartment up the street, no more shared yogurt cakes, no more "I didn't want to bother Jean-Marc so I'm calling you to remind him to..." no more attitude towards the nurses, sass towards the shop assistants as she limped into the store with the help of her cane and her granddaughter, no more intelligent jokes, no more beautifully painted-red fingernails, a string of gold rings (one from her son) below, no more Elvis, no more bodyguard, no more teasing me about her son's ex-girlfriends, and, I will admit...

NO MORE TAPENADE. You little rascal, I say to my belle-mère during another earth-to-heaven conversation. I've asked you for years for your tapenade recipe. And you went and took it with you!!

In a poignant send-off arranged by the crematorium, to the tune of Love is all we have left, the curtains at the front of the ceremony room open once again. My belle-mère's casket is gone and all that remains is a crown of flowers on the floor. I am stunned.

* * *       

"I miss you so much it hurts," I wrote on Facebook, where my mother-in-law's account is still live. Though she struggled with technology Michèle-France did not let a learning curve keep her from keeping up with the times. Quickly overlooked by her Facebook friends (including some of you) were the gaffes she made (like using a photo of a stranger (you?) as her profile picture. And posting another photo--this time of one of my sponsor's luxury villas--to use as her cover photo). Her grandchildren (or was it my sister-in-law? for Jean-Marc had given up) eventually came to the rescue, helping her to find a suitable picture of herself to use as her profile (and the luxury villa was replaced by a more modest interior belonging sister-in-law! This all could be explained by the following: while my belle-mère tried to conquer technology--she still couldn't figure out her smartphone camera, or else she might have posted a picture of her own lovely salon, or living room.). 

My heart now in a brace, I clicked open Messenger to read over the SMS conversations we'd had over the years. Michèle-France's texts were filled with gratitude and those silly stickers she got me to use, too (do you know the one with the dog digging in the ground and retrieving the big I MISS YOU heart? She was telling us she missed us even before she left this earth).

Now it is our turn to feel the weight of her absence. How heavy it is! Heavy as all those buckets of olives we were planning to cart over to her little apartment when, last fall, she announced that she was feeling better--good enough to make another batch of tapenade. We never got to make that tell-all batch, in which the longtime mystery (those ingredients!) would be revealed. Instead, a bigger mystery has replaced it: Where in the world is my belle-mère? I've been looking for her everywhere--in the sky, in my dark room at night, in the intricate designs in the tiles on my bathroom wall, in the waves crashing across the shore here in La Ciotat, at the top of our cypress tree beyond a bent branch--surely she's looking down on me? I can hear her tender voice, Ma Chérie, Ma Chérie....

She is, I decide, in every particle in everything, everywhere and everlasting. She is as close as a far as the Heavens. Surely she is up there--waving her tapenade recipe, smiling with those charming dents de bonheur. There is nothing she would keep from you or me, least of all her generosity. In the coming year, I will be reaching, reaching high for those heavenly instructions. I will share with you anything I find.



Michele-france jean-marc and mr sacks
My mother-in-law (those charming "happiness teeth"), my husband, and good ol' Mr. Sacks, who my belle-mère called "Monsieur Sacoche".

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A single person is missing for you, and the whole world is empty. ~Joan Didion, The Year of Magical Thinking


I had to get a kleenex for this one, Kristi. It made me ache for my own Mom and even though there was no missing tapenade recipe, the deep feelings of loss, the moments in time that have slipped by, the little words you hear in your mind of your Mother in law are the common love-denominator and what I hear when I think sweetly about my Mom. Life is a circle of love ...

Laura and Jim

Kristin thank you for sharing Michelle France with your readers. You are so on target in looking for her - she is everywhere and that is where you and the family will find your comfort. Perhaps over time you will discover her tapenade recipe as she still may yet one day reveal it to you!

Laraine Lippe

Dear Kristi,
I think you just wrote a very beautiful eulogy for your belle-mere. Thank you for sharing her uniqueness with us! I was very moved when I read what you often it is just those very little things that turn out to be the most meaningful remembrances about another person.

With heartfelt sympathy to you and the rest of the family....
Laraine Lippe


Now YOU Kristiin, will need to beciome that fantatic, memorable, lovable and mysterious for your children's children one day.

Barbara Berndt

I knew I should not read this post while wearing mascara for an outing this afternoon... . Your words are beautiful, heartfelt, and so worth the repair job!

Thank you for sharing!


What a beautiful, loving eulogy! How fortunate you both were to share such love.

heidi shusterman

Kristi, Sorry for your tremendous loss. In an offering of comfort I am attaching a beautiful poem by an 11 th century poet,

'Tis a Fearful Thing'
by Yehuda Halevi

Tis a fearful thing
to love what death can touch.

A fearful thing
to love, to hope, to dream, to be –

to be,
And oh, to lose.

A thing for fools, this,

And a holy thing,

a holy thing
to love.

For your life has lived in me,
your laugh once lifted me,
your word was gift to me.

To remember this brings painful joy.

‘Tis a human thing, love,
a holy thing, to love
what death has touched.”

May you and your family find comfort in the difficult days ahead.


Loss is a unviersal binder -- we all relate thru our personal experience and cry again. Keep crying and honor your grief. It is the measure of love and what makes us truly human. My heartflet wishes for your comfort and peace at this time.


Bien qu'elle soit dans la soixantaine, elle a le visage juene.


My prayers are for you and your family. I read this and I miss her, and I never met her except through you! What a blessing to have had her in your lives


I weep for your loss. That was so beautifully written with love and warmth.

Suzanne Codi

So well said, Kristi, when often there are no words to express than sudden, shocking void when you lose a beloved parent.
My heart goes out to you, Jean-Marc and your whole family . Gros bisous

Christine Dashper

Dear Kristin,
It’s been quite some time since I have written anything here but it wanted to send love and support as you all travel through this time and celebrate the life of your belle-mere. She was clearly a very special person.

Your writing here is as always, beautiful.

Warmest wishes

Margo Sue

We Remember Them
At the rising of the sun and its going down,
we remember them.
At the blowing of the wind and in the chill of winter,
we remember them.
At the opening of the buds and in the rebirth of spring,
we remember them.
At the blueness of the skies and in the warmth of summer,
we remember them.
At the rustling of the leaves and in the beauty of autumn,
we remember them.
At the beginning of the year and when it ends,
we remember them.
As long as we live, they too will live;
for they are now a part of us, as we remember them.
When we are weary and in need of strength,
we remember them.
When we are lost and sick at heart,
we remember them.
When we have joy we crave to share,
we remember them.
When we have decisions that are difficult to make,
we remember them.
When we have achievements that are based on theirs,
we remember them.
As long as we live, they, too, will live;
for they are now a part of us, as we remember them.


Lovely picture. The sea the flowers the smiles. The love. All upstaging the bulging business bag!

Since the name Daisy comes from the Sun - the eye of the day and once was called thus 'the day's eye' til saying it differently hid it from us, it seems the perfect flower to complete the picture. LIke the light from long distant stars your beloved belle mere's love will continue to reach you and light your path. Treasure all the dear memories and precious recipes and share them with your grandchildren in due time.xx

Suzanne Codi

sorry about the typo, I meant to write " that sudden" , not " than"

Sue Lennox

😢 What can one really say about such a loss?

paul guerin

This is the age of great and painful loss when these loved ones begin to be taken from us far too often........

Jan Acorn

I am so sorry for your loss. Please give my sentiments to Jean-Marc as well.

Jan Acorn

Brenda Prowse

Merci chére Kristi for writing and sharing such a sweet eulogy. Your realization that “there will be no more” is one that I have written into my 2018 journal. It will remind me to savor the moments of each day. You do that so well. No wonder Michèle-France called you ma chérie so tenderly. Love and bisous to you and Jean-Marc and all of your families.


Hi Jackie,

Actually, the original line comes from the illustrious French writer/philosopher, Alphonse de Lamartine, in his poem "L'isolément".

"Un seul être vous manque, et tout est dépeuplé."

And Kristi, your beautiful reflection about your belle-mère formidable ("She is close as a memory... as far as the Heavens") ranks right up there with de Lamartine, Hugo and Didion.

Our sincere condolences to you, Jean-Marc and all yuor family,
Trish et JeanClaude

Debbie Houston

Kristin, you wrote your mother-in-law's eulogy in this post. I hear the pain in your words. My own mom-in-law died in 2013. When I visit my dad-in-law's house, I no longer see a woman's touch. So we miss them in many ways, as you pointed out. There's a special bond between a mother and daughter-in-law. I love how much you loved her and how much she loved you.




Sending heartfelt sympathy to your whole family. Such beautiful words. Thanks for sharing them with her, and all of us.

Annette D. Moore

Kristin, this tribute to your mother-in-law is very special. Wonderful thoughts and truly beautiful writing. My deepest sympathy.


What a beautiful tribute to your sweet mother in law.


That was a lovely tribute Kristin. Thank you for sharing with us. My life is richer for having known Michele-France through you. All the best to you and your family during this hard time.

Carol George

So sad for your loss of a beautiful soul and belle-mère. In reading you touching words I am reminded of those of M.F.K. Fisher: "God gave us memories so we could have roses in winter and mothers forever." You are in my thoughts...


What a lovely tribute to your belle-mere! Beautiful writing, indeed!

Betsy Brill

Thank you sharing your love with us, Kristi. I wish I could put my arms around you and your family.

Mary Johnson

We lost our belle mere in September. Loved reading your thoughts. Also everyone else particularly the poems.

Bill Facker


Susan Stafford

Wishing you, Jean-Marc, and all members of the family your continued joy in the memories of your wonderful mother-in-law as you mourn her loss. Clearly, she was a beloved fixture in your life and it's hard to live without someone who played such an important role for so long. I hope that she sends that wonderful tapenade recipe straight from heaven to you one day. I suspect that she will.

Warmest regards,


Thank you for sharing this wonderful tribute. I hope all through time you will continue to feel your belle mere in everything around you.

Eileen deCamp

Hi Kristi,

I'm so sorry for you loss and she surely resides in your heart and in your memories. Tell Jean-Marc I am so sorry too and I have remembered her in my prayers as well as your whole family.

I love the photo of her with Jean-Marc and I can see the lovely warmth emanating from her beautiful gapped toothed smile.

Blessings to you and your family and hugs across the miles!


A very lovely, loving tribute to a person who was so obviously both of those things herself.

Chris Allin

Dear Kristi,
Such a beautuful, touching tribute to Michele-France. May the love your family has for her help heal your broken hearts...


Your kind words remind me when I also struggled to find the right words to say at my mother-in-law’s funeral service . . . I remember saying that the French term “belle-mere” was a much kinder term than our English phrase and better described our 44 plus year relationship! How could an English term that sounds so contractual ever reflect what is/was a loving relationship?

Nadine Goodban

Mes sinceres et affectueuses pensees vous accompagnent. Les bons souvenirs sont precieux, qu’ils vous aident a vivre ces difficiles moments!

Jennifer Reese

What a beautiful tribute !
Jennifer Reese
Bonita Springs, FL / Glen Ellyn, IL

Karen Cafarella

What a beautiful story. Thank you so much for sharing it and your mother-in-law. You have touched my soul. She is with you everywhere for sure. Sending you and your family big hugs to maybe make the sorrow a little less.


Your in-laws are very lucky people to have such a talented writer as you to give such a beautifully-written eulogy honoring your mom-in-law. Sit in peace and meditate, and you will "feel" her with you again. Mes condoléances à toi et ta famille.


Where is she now? Everywhere, I believe...any time you think of her. After my mother's memorial service, I heard her voice, slightly reproving, in the middle of O'Hare Airport in Chicago, and I have no doubt she was there at that moment!

EIleen Burns

The Bustle in a House (1108)

By Emily Dickinson

The Bustle in a House

The Morning after Death

Is solemnest of industries

Enacted opon Earth –

The Sweeping up the Heart

And putting Love away

We shall not want to use again

Until Eternity –

Alyssa Eppich

You made e cry a bit, and I have never met you or Michelle-France! It is good to love so deeply, because now she is in all you do and everyplace you go in La Ciotat. Indeed, she is in you, and her son and your children, Kristi. And that is a very loving thing...... J'envoie des calins au Maine!

Barbara Bell

My grand-mere also had “happiness teeth”! She was a very stubborn little Welsh lady who died in 1971. Jean-Marc’s grandmother looks very much like her.


Kristi, your heartfelt words seep straight into my heart and bring tears to my eyes. I also smiled a couple of times when reading about Michelle-France's charming usage of Facebook. This is such a beautiful tribute to your special mother-in-law! Thank you for sharing it with us. Sending so much love your way!

jean Palmer

Your memories and the warmth in your words and love of your beautiful belle-mere are beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing. You capture so much in the details. Made me think of my mother and how much I still miss her. My sympathy to you and your family with hope that your memories comfort now and in the future.

Margaret Cook

I just love that the French use belle-mere for mother-in-law. It sums up the loving and beautiful warmth of your relationship. Peace.


Thoughts and prayers go to you and your family. Sharing in your sorrow.



Kristi, My heart goes out to you during this sad time. What a lovely tribute you have written! My your sweet memories comfort you.


Elle reste toujours dans ton coeur, chere Kristi.


Our dear Kristi,
Your beautiful words and your love filled thoughts absolutely wrap themselves around our hearts.The courage you are showing now is beyond inspiration for all of us.
Always,our prayers are with all of you.
These Selected Verses from Ben Sira have so helped me to go on.

Fear not death;we are destined to die.We share it with all who ever lived,with all who will ever be.
Bewail the dead,hide not your grief,do not restrain your mourning.But remember that continuing sorrow is worse than death.When the dead are at rest,let their memory rest,and be consoled when the soul departs.
Death is better than a life of pain,and eternal rest than constant sickness.
Seek not to understand what is too difficult for you,search not for what is hidden from you.Be not over occupied with what is beyond you,for you have been shown more than you can understand,
As a drop of water in the sea,as a grain of sand on the shore are man's few days in eternity.The good things in life last for limited days,but a good name endures forever.
Wonderful Michele France is sending you strength.
Please know our arms are tight around you.
Natalia XO

Judi Dunn

... Kristi.... a soulfilled tribute to your belle mere. When you hold Jean-Marc... you are still holding a bit of her here on earth. Have no fear, she will be always, in the dishes she taught you and in the lavander you pick, the tomatoes you will grow. Always just there, beside you... quietly. Judi. Tallahassee.


What a lovely testament to the incredible person your belle mere had to have been. Only someone of infinite grace can leave such a hole in the hearts of those they love. Only someone capable of deep love can touch so many hearts. How lucky you all were to have one another. Blessings to you and your family. May you and your grief learn to peacefully coexist.


That was simply beautiful
What a lovely tribute to such a lovely woman.


Kristi, thank you for making this beautiful lady part of our lives, too.


Kristi, the depth of feeling which shows in all of your writings has never been more apparent than in your appreciation of your mother-in-law. You are an appreciator, which is why your readers love you.


Lovely tribute to an amazing and generous person. Thanks for sharing her with us over the years. Your tribute to her brought tears to my eyes, as I remember the loss of my mother 17 years ago, and of my dad just 2 and half years ago.
May she be for all of you in the beauty of the day to day, and hoping that tapenade recipe fall from heaven soon!

Roseann Milano

Dear Kristin,
I am so sorry for your family's loss. I'm so sure it it very raw and painful right now but you all will learn to live with the pain.
Your description of your belle-mere's "les dents du bonheur" reminds me that my father had the same and he was one of the happiest person I ever met. Now I know it was because of the space between his front teeth!
Thanks for that.
Best wishes to all,


J'ai les larmes aux yeux:(


I am so sorry for you and your family. This post was such a beautiful tribute to a special person who you obviously loved dearly. She was lucky, to be so loved and to have such a loving daughter-in-law.
Take solace in that, the best gift that you could have given her.
Take care,


She sounds like she was a wonderful woman. You show tribute to her well.

My thoughts are with you and your family.

Jan Hersh

Thanks for your touching and excellent day at a time the pain will ease.

Elaine Moulden

A beautiful and loving eulogy for your belle-mere.
Nothing can take your belle-mere from you, not even death.
dear Kristi and family, remember ....
Grief is the price of love ~~
Deepest sympathies to all Michele-France’s family.

Your belle mere, and Jean-Marc's maman became a beloved friend of your readers. Her wisdom, her quirks, and her smile will be missed by so many of us who never knew Marie-France face to face. She will be missed by many, and has left a part of herself with us through you. May she Rest In Peace and be remembered fondly. My sympathy to everyone in your family. Nancy Mulloy-Bonn

Carole Fitzgerald

Dear Kristin , it is so beautifully written your post . You express so well the longing to see your lovely Belle - Mere . I feel for you lots of love Carole xxx

Chère Kristi,
Je suis emu d'apprendre la disparition de votre belle mere. Reçois mes pensées et mes plus sincères condoléances.
Votre belle mere vivra toujours dans votre coeur.
J'espère que ce track peut vous apporter du réconfort.



Gordon Lyman

How beautiful! Your writing was so powerful today it startled me a little.


You wrote beautifully of your belle-mere. Mine died a month ago. She was only 97.


Kristi, my condolences to you and your family! I feel I knew your Belle Mere from the lovely writing of her and her life you have shared with us! Although I haven't written much lately, you have touched my heart and I send you support as you pass the days ahead with your loss. I have a feeling that Tapenade recipe will appear one way or the other! At least I hope so!

Always best wishes, Georgia


What an amazing eulogy you have shared with us. Thank you! I've tried to write about Chris, and it is so difficult - there is just so much about the ones we love we want to say and share, and so many feelings and thoughts that keep our hearts and minds so active. I just try to focus on all the wonderful memories and times shared with my loved ones. I think you have captured so many facets of your very special belle-mere, I'm sure Jean-Marc, Max, and Jackie really appreciate your ability to put this down in writing. I am in awe! My warm thoughts are with you.


Blessings to you and your beautiful family. Xxx

Susa Sanner

Dear Kristi,

thank you very much for your moving words. I am touched by them. I would like to add that she is in your hearts, first and foremost. My heartfelt condolences to you and your family.
Regarding family recipes, check her spice rack. Often times it is just one single secret ingrediant, which no one else adds.

Rachel LeBlanc

She is not gone. She is in your heart forever. Condolences to you and yours

Kathy C

Thank you for sharing this beautiful tribute to her. Your writing so reflects our shared human experience and reminds us of what is important. This touching, expressive, so very human post is worth returning to many times as we remember those we have loved.

Kathleen from Connecticut

This is your Eulogy. Well said.


This is one of the most beautiful things you’ve ever written, Kristi. It is a sweet gift to your Belle Mere.


Bravo Kristi for the beautiful and heartfelt tribute. She must have loved you so...

Lorena Meunier

Dear Kristin,
You've written a beautiful, heartfelt tribute to your loving belle-mère. She knew how much you loved her, and she showed you how much she loved you, her son's lovely wife, in simple ways like calling you "ma chérie" and making her tapenade for family dinners. Your "I miss you so much it hurts" made me cry because it reminded me of how I felt at my mother's death 17 years ago. Keep talking and thinking about her, and hopefully the fond memories of happy times together will eventually overshadow the feeling of loss, and the feelings of gratitude for having her in your life will help you cope and pass on the love she gave.
Je t'embrasse ! - Lorena

amy thompson stell

Choose Joy. Everyday, make a conscious decision to choose joy.

[i carry your heart with me(i carry it in] e.e. cummings

Sandy Zeoli

Kristi, my condolences to you and your family on the death of Michele-France. She will be with you always, most of all in your heart.

Audrey Wilson

Kristin , What Lovely tribute to your Belle Mere. she is with you partout chaque jour Je suis sure xx

John Newman

What a beautiful tribute to your belle-mère. I'm thinking of you. Much love.

Rob T.

"there will be no more." No more in this life, but life is eternal, and you will see her again


Chere Kristin,
May her memory be a blessing to you and to all who knew and loved her. Thank you for sharing ...and who knows, her tapenade recipe may be hidden somewhere just waiting for you to find it...


I never considered the gap in my front teeth an attractive feature; but now that you have written the French term "dents de bonheur", I am rather pleased with my smile.

Please accept my condolences.


May she Rest in Peace until we meet her in heaven. Praying for you and Jean-Marc. She
probably left the recipe in a gift box somewhere for you! Peace Sister.

Marina Garcia

Stacy - Sweet Life Farm

Dear Kristi,

As always, such a beautiful, heartfelt message, teary one too. May your mother-in-law's generosity of spirit live on, carry this forward (and when you are ready good luck recreating her tapenade).

The loss is so great as our love is so great. Sending you a warm hug and prayers for your comfort. I love you.


So very sorry for your loss. You are in my prayers.


Beautifully written, Kristi! I wish I could have met your mother-in-law. So sorry for your loss.

Natalie Shaby

Hi Jackie
Please extend our sincerest condolences to your family. I know the pain of losing parents, the mother and grandmother is so very profound. I am happy to know you were close to her and have many many happy memories to cherish forever❤️
Hope to see you and Max soon .
Please remember you have friends who love you in Los Angeles!

Joan Miller

You will see her walking ahead or you will smell her or you will hear her voice unexpectantly.
I am sorry for your sadness. Joan

Kitty Wilson-Pote

Kristi, how wonderful to discover this missed piece from the turn of this year -- your richly evocative eulogy to Michelle-France. Fills my heart! I found it via the link in your new May 28 2018 "French Mother's Day & J'ai la dalle" account of a typical reframed-on-the-fly Mother's Day whereon the winds change 'plans'! ... and from there to here, "Les dents de bonheur". Then in turn to one from almost eight years ago, "troisième âge," in which another word portrait of this redoubtable, tender, and much-beloved woman conjures her still-living presence -- always with you all, no matter what. Thanks to your timeless love's fueling your expressive skills, dear Kristi, Michell-France is vividly with us of your cyber-clan too. (These stepping stones through a few past blogs bring her so close again that I can almost put my arms around her and feel her bristle with mock dismay.)

Kitty Wilson-Pote

Michelle-France -- an 'e' eluded my fingers!

Kristin Espinasse

Thank you, Kitty, for your note. I am so happy you felt this connection. Yes, Michèle-France is vividly here, each time we remember her, each time the sun rays alight on her chair in our garden, each time we eat tapenade...


Thanks for the link to this post. I missed it and it helps me to deal with today's post. I am sure you will find a way to create your own unique tapenade recipe and the memory of hers will always feed your soul when thinking of your dear mother-in-law.


Hi Kristin,
I just came across this post of yours in my inbox while filing my language learning lessons; it was one I hadn't opened up before. I'm so sorry for your loss.
The title of the post jumped out at me being a dentist. What a charming expression.
What also jumped out at me, which I don't have any other way of alerting you to than by public comment (which you, as the moderator, can choose not to approve once you read it, as it really isn't a comment of general interest) is that you've misspelled "eulogy" in the title. It's a small mistake and understandable under the circumstances where you were mourning. If I'd noticed it then I wouldn't have mentioned it, but it's been almost two years and I thought as a writer of published memoir you wouldn't mind it now at this remove.
Thanks for finding sponsors to enable your language learners to subscribe for free to your blog.

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