The slammer (prison) in French. Don't miss today's 'Taule' story.
Monday, April 01, 2019
Very sorry for today's hasty letter. I'm in a hurry as I need to be in Paris by 9 a.m. for three days of community service. The authorities contacted us after the herdsman I wrote about filed a complaint. Turns out we are being prosecuted--not for misrepresentation but for empoisonnement! That punk rock shepherd I profiled in January is now claiming his herd suffered gastro-entérite--or le gastro--after grazing in our mustard pasture. (Jean-Marc had sown la moutarde as a cover crop or soil amendment before planting his vineyard.)
The fact that sheep waltzed onto OUR property to enjoy a free meal doesn't seem to faze the French police, who informed us that when we made the verbal agreement, allowing the berger's flock to feed on our land, we were unwittingly taking responsibility for the said grazers' santé.
I am trying to see the good in this even if I am reluctant head out, now, for some punitive community service. The 8-hour chore I have been assigned is absolutely surreal: le nettoyage des ossements des Catacombes ( the cleaning of the catacombs ), i.e. Paris's underground cemetery of bones.
It took a moment to understand the punishment, owing to the confusing French legalease, and misleading words such as le nettoyage de l'ossuaire municipal. ("Ossuaire" threw me, but I recognized the terms municipale and nettoyage and so assumed I was to clean the floor of Town Hall--and not a wall of skulls and femurs!)
Good news is the State is paying for my train ticket. All I am to do is to provide a personal scrub brush. (The municipal order that I received via registered mail contained a small packing list.)
- votre brosse à dents (your toothbrush)
- un flacon d'huile d'olive (a small flask of olive oil)
- le plan des Catacombes de Paris (map of Paris catacombs, see attached).
A further note--an instruction, actually--states "une goutte par tête" or "one drop per head"). I guess they'll fill me in on the rest (is the olive oil some sort of skull emollient?).
We are scheduled to meet in the underground cavern, in one of the bony tunnels mentioned in The Paris Plot and The Bone Curse (I've been nervously reading all I can get my hands on)! I've printed out the map of the former stone mine-come-cemetery. So much for claustrophobia! Off now to catch my train.
Amicalement,
Kristi
P.S. If they think I'm bringing my own toothbrush--get out! I'm taking Jean-Marc's. He's the one that got us into this mess!
Also, I have never been to the Paris catacombs. Have you? Would you like to see the historic underground cemetery? Should I add it to our Half-Day Tours project? Bring your toothbrush...and leave your gullibility at home. It's April Fools today! Let me know in the comments if you were fooled by this Taule Story (taule = prison).
Paris catacombs. (Photo: Michael Reeve)
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The catacombs are very cool - but a bit spooky. Will you be by yourself down there with all those stiffs?
I'm sure you'll have an interesting time and meet some fascinating "people"!!! What a way to get a good look at the place! Don't get lost in there, it's a labyrinth!
The one in Rome is also amazing - they have used the bones for decorations - chandeliers!!
Bonne chance, Kristi!
Tell us what the ghosts whisper?
Posted by: Maureen | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 11:28 AM
I was almost fooled! haha brilliant!
Posted by: David R. Giorgi | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 11:28 AM
Yep. Got me! Well done.
Posted by: Catherine Berry (But you are in France, Madame) | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 11:30 AM
Poisson d'avril !! Excellent
Posted by: John Alexander | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 11:35 AM
I completely fell for it, but that's understandable these days. If Donald Trump can get elected then practically anything is plausible...
Posted by: Ken Curtis | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 11:38 AM
So why do YOU have to do community service instead of Jean Marc... Did the shepherd have diagnostic evidence it came from your field and not somewhere else? Did a vet do a chemical analysis backed by lab results? Seems like a hard case to prosecute...and what are the damages? Any dead sheep?
Posted by: Larry Griffith | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 11:41 AM
Brilliant Poisson D’Avril Kristi!
All too plausible
Posted by: Ian | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 11:43 AM
Right off, I thought this was going to be a “poisson avril” ! Merci pour le sourire.
Here’s one to share!
https://www.languedocliving.com/kiwi-fraud-will-be-solved-by-2020/?utm_source=Languedoc+Living&utm_campaign=c379a11b41-Daily+Digest+Monday&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_876b6df802-c379a11b41-215958893
Posted by: Muriel | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 11:47 AM
French law can be crazy. You should also be aware that if one of his sheep strays off piste from your land onto the road and causes an accident then that is your fault too!
Posted by: Rupert Suren | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 12:07 PM
Came back to reading your stories today after a long time of being too busy. What a day to begin again! You got me good.
Posted by: Deborah Auclair | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 12:15 PM
Poisson d’ avril !!! Très bon!
Posted by: Ally | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 12:23 PM
Aaah fooled again, just as every year!!!! A very good one!!!! Thanks a lot!
Posted by: Adeline Richarson (ile de La Réunion) | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 12:37 PM
J’étais dupé par cette blague. Un bon poisson d'avril.
Posted by: Geoff | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 12:41 PM
Bravo! I got about halfway through and thought, "wait a minute!"....
Posted by: Bernard-Joseph | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 12:46 PM
Fooled me till the end! It’s plausible in the weird world we live in...
Posted by: Jean Briggs | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 12:47 PM
Love it! The personal scrub brush was a nice bit of detail. Had me about half way through....
Posted by: Ron | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 12:59 PM
Kristi, c’est vraiment drôle. Bisous!
Posted by: Cindy | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 01:02 PM
Feeling the bureaucratic absurdity and definitely duped until the end! Great April Fool's story.
Posted by: Sharon | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 01:13 PM
Just love this story !
I paused as I read the first line , then it occurred to me .... April Fools!
Thanks for the chuckle :)
Posted by: Nina | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 01:33 PM
Fooled! Hook, line, and sinker!!! So funny! But what you say is not so implausible, Kristen. I’ve got a cousin who owns a château in Burgundy with a bit of land surrounding. He has a very specific contract with the local farmer stating that the farmer’s animals can graze on the château’s land, but that at no time down the road does the farmer have the right to claim the land as his own. Seems crazy, but it’s possible in France. My lawyer cousin has been vigilant!
Posted by: Nicole | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 01:35 PM
Ha ha ha! Chapeau bas !
Posted by: Keith Van Sickle | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 01:43 PM
Amen! Vraiment!
Posted by: Andrew Kleeger | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 01:47 PM
Well, you got me too......except that I thought it weird that Jean Marc was not going.....that made me suspect something was not right. Happy day to you!
Posted by: An Jewett | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 01:51 PM
You had me hook, line, and sinker right up to the end! Touchée!
Posted by: Milly Burrows | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 01:53 PM
Good one! You actually got me. LOL!!! I've not been to the catacombs in Paris, but I have in Rome. Interesting to say the least.
Posted by: Adrienne | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 01:59 PM
Kristin,
C’était généal! You had me until the tooth brush and olive oil! Bon poisson d’avril ! -
Lorena
Posted by: Lorena | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 02:03 PM
Haha! Definitely got me on this—good one Kristi! 😂😂😂😂
Posted by: Kristen | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 02:08 PM
You had me hook, line, and sinker! I was recalling my visit to the catacombs in the 90's, accompanied by my high school students while reading. Thank you for bringing back memories.
Posted by: Anne HALEY | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 02:15 PM
Très marrant ! It sounded very believable and I’d forgotten its Le Poisson d’Avril. You have a gift!
Posted by: Susan Stafford | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 02:25 PM
Super cool !
Posted by: GwenEllyn Anderson | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 02:44 PM
And if you don’t do a really good job of it ...... it will be the guillotine for you!
Posted by: Lynda House | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 02:47 PM
Oh my gosh, Kristi!
I was outraged and taken in by this bizarre punishment to the very end. I agree with Ken. In the US we have become accustomed to the outrageous and bizarre. Your story was brilliant. Thanks for a morning laugh and happy April!
Posted by: Adrienne | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 02:58 PM
I assume this is a Poisson d'avril !.. they wouldn't send u all the way up to Paris.. but in answer to your question... yes, one of the first places an American kid goes in Paris is a trip to the Catacombs..I assume in fact you have been there.. sorry you're midoing a free train ride...but at least u can keep your tooth brush (and olive oil is not good on bones!!) Oh well... enjoy April
Posted by: Ellyn Austin | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 03:00 PM
Is the poisson tasty? Hope so, for your sake.
Posted by: Mike | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 03:07 PM
Again very well written, but the mustard and YOU be punished instead of Jean- Marc let me know it"s APRIL FOOLS DAY>
Posted by: louis bogue | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 03:09 PM
I was ready for you this year, but again, chapeau!
Merci
Posted by: Carolyn | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 03:13 PM
I was en garde seeing the date,but a classic one Kristi .Loved it!
Posted by: slation | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 03:16 PM
Not sure who slation is ! It was from me Audrey Wilson !!!
Posted by: slation | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 03:19 PM
Wish I could be there to do this for you....I would love it!
Posted by: Gwyn Broyles | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 03:28 PM
You fooled me! I was incensed for you, although I’ve akways wanted to see the catacombs.
Well done!
Posted by: Lori | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 03:29 PM
I just red the story and origin of “poisson d’avril🐟
and I still fell for your hasty letter, until the good news,
the state paying for your train ticket? très drôle.😹
Posted by: marti Hinman | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 03:33 PM
Oh, yes, I was totally fooled! Well done, Kristy.
Posted by: Roseann Milano | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 03:38 PM
tu m'as eu!! c'était un bon poisson du mois d'avril
Posted by: Marti Schmidt | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 03:40 PM
I thought right away, oh she will have lots to write about!. It's Poisson d'Avirl! I was totally believing you! We have not been to the Catacombs (& my husband is from France), but we will certainly go this time in May. Thanks for the scare!
Posted by: Norma Plowman | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 03:46 PM
Well I was fooled complètement! Thanks for my April Fool’s chuckle!
Posted by: Paige Russey | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 03:48 PM
Tu m'as bien eu!
Posted by: [email protected] | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 03:50 PM
Make sure to take a LED headlamp flashlight!!!
I’ve never been to the Paris Catacombes though it’s on my bucket list ... and told my sister and mother we should visit .... Mais,
On n’échappe pas aux traditions !
Bon poisson D’avril !!!!!
Great story !
Posted by: Lisa | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 03:51 PM
Great story ~ love your creativity,
Posted by: Beth | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 03:59 PM
Poisson d’avril à vous deux!
Posted by: Joanne Fischer | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 04:02 PM
Tres drole - loved it. But you got me last year so I was on the look out for todays story. Have a very happy Spring. Hugs
Posted by: Nancy | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 04:09 PM
Having mistaken the word “taule “ for a tall tale, I knew it was an April Fool’s joke. Sometimes not knowing a word 🤔helps. 😁
Anyways , someday I will make it to the Catacombs, although I don’t think the my husband wants to go there.
But I love the story. When you wash the skulls, make sure that you also brush their teeth -. 😁
Happy Poisson d’Avirl 😘
Kathleen
Posted by: Kathleen from Connecticut | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 04:12 PM
Still laughing - I was completely fooled! ( :
If the question about the catacombs was real: YES- they are so worth seeing!
Posted by: Sandy | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 04:13 PM
Completely fooled! Thank you. I love this holiday, but so few people "celebrate" it any more.
Posted by: Lynn Risser | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 04:16 PM
Almost bought it at first, but then remembered that it is April Fool's Day and I have seen how you like a good joke. Good job once again.😁
Posted by: Sherry | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 04:18 PM
You Got me.....I fell for your tale of woe.
Posted by: Elaine | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 04:21 PM
Vraiment. Et Le Brexit, aussi!
Posted by: Christine Kelly | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 04:25 PM
OMG you got me! I was all ready to tell you how amazing the catacombs were! Good job. Just for that, I would send you there to clean!
Posted by: Jill Switzenberg | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 04:35 PM
Good Poisson d’avril. You had me scratching my head for a few minutes👍
Posted by: Jerry Wood | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 04:38 PM
Yes! I was fooled! ...glad I can still be so receptive! I had thought, "oh dear, some ancient French law is being applied to farmers..."
Posted by: Valerie | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 04:38 PM
Our dear Kristi,
What a wonderful funny,happy post!
You almost (ALMOST) had me fooled!!!
Thank you for the smiles!
Happy April Fools Day!!!!
Love,
Natalia xo
Posted by: Natalia | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 04:41 PM
After having been well-fooled the last several years, I was ready for you today. Your imagination and creativity are unrivaled. Thanks so much for being YOU !
Posted by: Mary | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 04:41 PM
No way!
You've made this stunt at least once before so I was prepared 😘 But a good jokes deserves to be shared more than once.
Posted by: Jens from Copenhagen | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 05:04 PM
Hysterical!! I fell for it😁
But what’s funny is how many above commenters even after you told them; still didn’t understand‼️‼️‼️‼️😂😂😂😂🍾
Posted by: [email protected] | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 05:06 PM
Ding! You got me! Gotta admit it! Good one...
Posted by: Marsha Conroy | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 05:12 PM
Poisson d'avril! Chouette! Bonne journee.
Posted by: Diane Heinecke | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 05:13 PM
Poisson d’avrIl!!
Posted by: Mary | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 05:13 PM
I swear every year I fall for your poisson d’avril! You are so great. What a creative mind. Maybe a little fiction writing is in the cards for you! Thanks for the treat!
Posted by: Judi | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 05:13 PM
Wow! You had me hook line and sinker...especially since I don’t know French law. I really enjoyed your story.
But, leave our fantastic President out of it.
Liberals have to constantly deride, give it up, keep politics out of this wonderful blog!
Posted by: Shirley | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 05:20 PM
Almost got me - Bon Poisson d'Avril!
Posted by: Madeleine de la Fontaine | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 05:34 PM
...good job! You totaly fooled me!
Posted by: Judith B. Dunn | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 05:50 PM
You had me, hook, line, and sinker! I was all ready to write an outraged comment and ask if you had spoken to a lawyer. Good one, Kristi!
Posted by: Teresa | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 06:03 PM
Poisson d'Avril ! Loved it.
Posted by: Linda R | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 06:18 PM
I’m on to your poisson d’avril stories, so I suspected something was “fishy!” But, good story néanmoins!
Thanks for your spirited tale!
Judy F
Posted by: Judy Feldman | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 06:26 PM
Hahaha! I have sent this to friends and so far one didn't read to the end. Wonderfully done, Kristin!
Posted by: Marsha D in Tennessee | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 06:37 PM
FUN FUN FUN! I was taken in completely, growing gradually suspicious till the TOOTHBRUSH came up and broke the illusion, Kristi! So adore your inventiveness and your persuasive way with words, dear Rascal! Can almost hear you chuckling away as you dreamt this up for us. MERCI to the ends of the universe for today's magnificent Poisson d'Avril. Unforgettable!
Posted by: Kitty Wilson-Pote | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 06:40 PM
I was fooled! I lived in southern Italy for three years with my Italian husband, and your story seemed to me completely plausible! I imagine that the French and Italian legal systems to be on par. (Even if Italy is a bit more chaotic....)
Posted by: Brenna Oneill-Pepe | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 06:48 PM
Excellent "tall" tale for today!
Posted by: Barbara Blizzard | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 07:25 PM
Kristi,
I think this is an April Fools Day joke?
And I love it!
Posted by: Sheryl Wells | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 07:26 PM
Oh Kristi - you got me! haha!
Posted by: Beth Fiacco | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 08:09 PM
So completely fooled, Kristin!! :)
Posted by: Virginia | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 08:10 PM
Un excellent Poisson d'avril! Was the "Taule" story a hint of a "Tall" story? Very clever!
Posted by: Jan Goodloe | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 09:14 PM
totally fooled! you rock!
Posted by: marlies t wilding | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 09:18 PM
Oh mon dieu! You totally fooled me! But knowing how tout à fait ridicule the French bureaucracy is, your story didn't seem all that implausible. I always enjoy your posts, but this one was exceptional.
Posted by: Judy | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 09:57 PM
My only hesitation in gullibility was in wondering why you had to go out of town and not perform the required service where the "crime" occurred. Suckered!
Posted by: Cathia Gantz | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 10:30 PM
Thanks, Kristi, for this wonderfully fanciful tale! I would have been completely taken in by it if I hadn't remembered it from a previous April Fools' Day ... still enjoyed it immensely. Happy Birthday a little late, Jean-Marc. The outing which you planned was picture perfect, literally, and the "stolen" kisses were the "icing on the cake"! ...Best wishes for all.
Posted by: Cynthia Lewis | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 10:32 PM
As crazy as the French bureaucracy is rumored to be, I bought your story- hook line and sinker!
Posted by: Saundra | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 11:27 PM
Kristi, nice work! With all the adventures you and Jean Marc have survived, as chronicled on these webpages, I had no problem believing you were being punished for mistreating these poor sheep........ Given that our granddaughters insisted that we visit the catacombs during their first trip to Paris, I know of what you speak (NB: we had a nice lunch the next day at Jules Verne to properly balance their initial exposure to Paris). Then when you wrote that you would be using Marc's toothbrush, this solidified that your story must be true.......until you pointed out the date. Thanks for entertaining us all!
Bill
Posted by: [email protected] | Monday, April 01, 2019 at 11:54 PM
hahaha . . . got me, too!
Posted by: Debra Paper | Tuesday, April 02, 2019 at 12:19 AM
I believed you! I just kept thinking "Really? The French government will let anyone clean the Paris Catacombs?" I thought, the person in charge of your group better be an archeologist or museum curator who will watch everyone carefully.
Posted by: Cathy | Tuesday, April 02, 2019 at 02:33 AM
Oh, you! I thought I had gotten through the day without being fooled but you totally ruined that plan. But what a fun way for me to have failed.... As always, thank you for entertaining us.
Posted by: Gloria F Maxwell | Tuesday, April 02, 2019 at 03:17 AM
Totally fooled! If I ever do go to the catacombs I will think of you putting one drop of oil on each boney head!
Posted by: Carol clark | Tuesday, April 02, 2019 at 04:01 AM
To put it mildly, Mr. Curtis!😏
Posted by: Leslie in Oregon | Tuesday, April 02, 2019 at 11:05 AM
Kristi, the only reason I wasn't taken in by your delightful story this April Fool's Day is that it so thoroughly fooled me when you posted it on an earlier April Fool's Day.
I visited the Catacombs in Paris and outside Rome when I was 17. It was during a very hot summer, and I remember only how wonderfully cool both underground sites were.
Thank you for keeping April Fool's Day alive, Leslie
Posted by: Leslie in Oregon | Tuesday, April 02, 2019 at 11:18 AM
So funny!! As bizarre as the story sounded, you had me, too!
Bonne journée!
Posted by: Ophelia T Paine | Tuesday, April 02, 2019 at 02:27 PM
Yes it was. Thanks, Jan.
Posted by: Kristin Espinasse | Tuesday, April 02, 2019 at 04:00 PM
Excellent!! I fell for it hook, line and sinker -- appropriate for Poisson d'avril I guess.
Posted by: Leslie | Tuesday, April 02, 2019 at 06:35 PM
I was about to take care of several neighboring sheep (your mustard field neighbors) on my own. I give them a tummy ache, that's for SURE.
So funny.
And, unfortunately, so believable.....
Posted by: Suzanne Dunaway | Tuesday, April 02, 2019 at 06:57 PM
Why are you getting political on this wonderful website. keep political thoughts to yourself and comment on the "poisson d'Avril!".
Posted by: Jean-Marie | Tuesday, April 02, 2019 at 11:56 PM
HIHI ! thats remind me a little conversation we had !
welldone Kristi !
Posted by: cécile | Wednesday, April 03, 2019 at 07:26 PM
As my daughters say in text message responses to questions: Yep!!
Posted by: Bette | Wednesday, April 03, 2019 at 07:31 PM